Ali and her men (scratch out Frank)

I’m not a huge fan of The Bachelor, but I never miss a season of The Bachelorette. I have two reasons for this:

1. It’s entertaining to watch grown men get insanely jealous when the girl they like goes out with other people. (Hi Kettle, I’m Pot. You’re black).

2. This show is a perfect example of a woman being forced to listen to my Grammy’s Dating Advice. By design, she is dating multiple guys at the same time before making the biggest decision of her life.

Let’s be real. In real life, Ali would have met hot Roberto and immediately cancelled her dates with Frank and Chris because she would never want to potentially ruin an opportunity with the seemingly perfect, gorgeous, x-baseball player. Openly dating multiple guys at the same time (and accepting over-night dates with each one in Tahiti) is frowned upon in the real world.

But should it? Are we (ladies) setting ourselves up for failure by clinging to the best available option, shunning all other men and dating exclusively for years until we break down and get married? We might as well get married to these guys after the 4th date. Isn’t it the same thing?

That’s what I love about watching this show. Whether Ali likes it or not (and I tend to believe she does) she is forced to compare and contrast these guys over a total of 3 months to find the best fit for her. The only thing that is that this is a show. They are on camera 24/7 and the only “alone” time they ever have is in that overnight suite. Not the makings for a strong relationship (hello Vienna and Jake).

So maybe I should take a page from The Bachelorette and give this a shot in the real world.

I’ve been thinking about this over the past few days because I came home after work this week to find a CD tucked in the bars of my screen door with a note from Apartment B. The CD was of some music he’d been playing one night that I said sounded good on my way up the stairs. The card was his business card and on the back it said, “Call me or stop in anytime. Love to get a drink with you!”

The idea of dating someone in my apartment building brings up a whole new host of Melrose Place-type issues that we can get into another time.

For now, let’s dive into the fact that I am still hanging out with Hot Shy Guy (HSG) – even though I’ve halted writing about him, at the impassioned request of my more vocal readers. And while we have not talked about being exclusive, I do feel that he might be frustrated if I accept drinks with Apartment B.

That said, I also feel that at 29, I would be doing myself a disservice by dismissing other date requests just because I’ve passed the four-date-mark with HSG.

I think the best thing to do is to mention to HSG that it’s important to me that I don’t get too serious too fast, and then hope for the best. Oy. I’m such a dude.

So. A real life Bachelorette. I’m sure I can handle it. I mean, I already successfully navigated a “Group Date” when I went 4 for 7 on Valentine’s Day. Ha.

When I was in college, I visited a friend of mine at her sorority house and her roommate had a pair of baby shoes with little hearts on them hanging from her closet door. An odd thing to see in a sorority house, for sure.

When I inquired, she beamed, “My boyfriend gave those to me for valentines day. He said they are our baby’s first pair of shoes.”

They’d been dating for 2 years, but were not married, not pregnant, and had no actual baby plans in the near future…this is strange, right?

Well, I can now top it. Potentially two times over – as of one minute ago.

I went on a first date with Twice-Engaged Guy and mentioned in passing that I liked to sing. His response was, “I’ve always wanted children that can sing.”

A joke, perhaps? I assumed so and laughed with him.Later on the date – while eating tacos at an outdoor taco stand – he asked, “So, what do you think our children will be like?” (In case your wondering, he has three children in mind)

Now, at this point I’m getting confused. Does he have a shockingly-funny sense of humor? Does he think that this is something desperate women want to hear? Which would also mean, by the way, that he considers me desperate. Or, is he seriously considering the talent-range of our children before we’ve completed date #1?

A “?” has been looming over me as I try to figure out how grey this guy’s grey area is. We’re married before meeting, have 3 kids during the 1st date…what’s next? Am I going to show up to a surprise 2nd date anniversary party with all my family and friends because he secretly stole the address book from my phone while I was in the bathroom??

So – fast forward to one minute ago (or however long it took me to write the above). I’m sitting at home on a Friday night with Indian delivery food – hey at least I’m not farming – and I post something on Facebook about my awesome “me” night. Within minutes I have a text message from Twice-Engaged Guy asking about my night and why he wasn’t invited. I repeat to him that tonight is my night.

He replies with the following text: “Lame! I still love u though”

(cue the speechless silence)

(cue the uncomfortable silence)

(Single. Approachable. Girl. turns off her phone, gets up, checks the deadbolt on the front door and eases back onto the couch with her naan and Saag Alu)

Another one bites the dust. Looks like we have potential for many more single stories in our future.

I promise not to keep score with with every dating event, but it just so happened that a month after I went 2 for 4 on planes, I went out on Valentine’s Day with 7 boys, and went 4 for 7.

I did not have any plans on Valentines Day and my next door neighbor – a cute, single 30-year-old – invited me to come out with he and his friends.

As it happened, his friends were 6 single guys between the ages of 30 and 40. So there I am, a girl with no Valentine’s Day plans, out to dinner at a local bar with 7 single guys. And since it was v-day, it’s not like there were lots of single girls out and about to distract them.

I felt like I was on a group date on The Bachelorette. Since I was the only girl, the attention was on me and as the night progressed, I found myself spending one-on-one time with each guy. We went to another bar where there was dancing and I would be dancing with one of them and then turn around to realize that another had cut in and I was now dancing with him.

This was a perfect example why the guys all fall for the bachelorette on that show. Guys are competitive by nature and when there is only one girl to focus attention on, they are immediately more and more interested in winning her over, if for no other reason then to be the guy that did.

So, when I say I went 4 for 7, I do not mean that in the crazy-slutty way. I just mean that of the 7 guys:

One asked for my number that night and texted immediately

One asked me to dinner and movie the next night

One found befriended me on Facebook the next day

One (the drunk one) invited himself to come to bed with me. That conversation went something like this…

Me: “I’m going to go to bed, see you all later.”

Drunk guy: “I think I’m going to go to sleep too…unless you would like me to join you.”

Me: “I’m good. But thanks (?)” – voice trailing up