You say dating, I say relationship…Tomato, Tomaaato

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
November 5, 2010

I’m going to need some help here. I’m trying to figure out what happens after date #2.

Take Confusing-Name Guy, for example. We had two great dates and while I was open to date #3, I got the feeling that he was looking for something of the more serious genre when he suggested that we go out on New Years Eve and sent a few intense text messages.

I did accept a 3rd date (just not on NYE) and I purposely backed-off a bit because clearly I had been too charming on dates 1 and 2 (it happens ;-) ).

After the date he called me as I was driving home and asked if something was wrong. He said he could sense that maybe I wasn’t as “into it” anymore. After coming to terms with the fact that I was about to have a “talk” after only 3 dates, I pulled over my car and I told him that maybe I “freaked out” because I’m not feeling ready for a relationship, but I get the impression that he is.

He sounded relieved as he responded and said, “I think it is a good sign that you’re freaked out, but we can totally dial it back…maybe we can just date monogamously and not worry about getting any more serious right now.”

…I get the feeling that we’re having a slight communication breakdown. adidas homme I’m picturing a dating scenario where we hang out until it’s clear that we’re right for each other or until it’s clearly not fun anymore, and he is looking for an exclusive dating relationship after a grand total of 9 hours of dating. Is my long-term dating request totally off base?

I asked my boy neighbor this question and apparently it is. He says that “if you’re really into someone” you will start seriously dating them after 2 or 3 dates. If you’re not, you will stop seeing each other and move on. adidas superstar soldes I am determined to prove him wrong, but so far I have not been on more than 3 dates with the same guy – so maybe he is right.

This takes us back to Grammy’s Dating Rule where apparently (in her day) you weren’t tied down to one guy until he popped the question and you had the ring on your finger. You actually had time to get-to-know someone before becoming exclusive. I realize I’m not going to be able to swing her exact rule in 2010 (maybe a quick stop in Tiffany on date #4??), but I’m going to see how close I can get.

TMI? You decide.

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
March 11, 2010

I’m all for open communication – even when it comes to sharing past relationships. But, I’m currently questioning how much information is TMI (Mom, that stands for too much information) at the beginning of a dating relationship.

For example: I was asked out by a male reader (Dan) via comment on my recent blog, “To date, or not to date.” While it was one of the better validations for my blog title – and my avatar’s good looks – my initial excitement about dating him may have tapered off a bit after his consistent mentioning of other girls in his email correspondence. I can’t decide if I’m being completely hypocritical, being that he has read my dating blog, or if I’m right to feel a little turned off. I think the main difference between my blog posts and his emails is that I am not attempting to court anyone with my blog posts.

You tell me. Dan and I have had pretty humorous email communication, but have yet to go on a date. I look to you, my readers, to tell me if I should move forward and meet up with him. (BTW – it turns out that he works with a friend of mine, so I have confirmation that he’s not a serial killer – that is until he reads this post, maybe).

Let’s take a look the correspondence before we come to a final decision:

From his initial blog post comment:

“So this past week I jumped back in, went on 3 actual ‘first dates.’” (I would say this is a totally normal thing to admit to on this blog forum)

From an email asking me when it is appropriate to have  The Talk when dating:

“…but I will say that I start to feel bad, like I’m “stringing a girl along”, after a couple dates if I can tell they’re hoping for bigger things when I’m just enjoying being with them.  So it is with [dog girl] right now.” (Clearly, dog girl likes Dan and so this might be his way of promoting his desirability – understandable).

From an email after the valentine’s day weekend:

“Sorry, I’ve been a little busy.  I took the plunge and celebrated V Day with my main squeeze, which was fun.  I also saw the, er, dog girl Saturday night which was cool, though we did have “the talk” so we cooled things down a bit.  Sort of.” (I question the use of “Sort of” here..does that mean they are just boning*? hmmm)

From another email:

“Wed night I was talking to my ex about all the dates she has been going on through eHarmony.”

From a following email:

“Hey, sorry it took a while to write back.  Last week was intense [at work].  I also met another girl.  So I’ve been a little busy.”


It was at this point I replied with, “Funny that you’re always open about telling me that you’ve been busy with other girls. Do you do that with all potential daters? Or is that because my dating life is out in the open so you feel it is safe in this space? I’m just curious.”

His response:

“These days I am trying to be extra honest right out front so nobody gets hurt.  …but yes, especially with you, as I have some catching up to do in terms of laying it all out there.  Of course if we were to start dating in any sort of romantic sense, I’d tone it down, as I don’t expect you’d want to hear about all that…But right now I think part of our appeal to each other is discussing dating and our dates with other people.”

In his next email:

I just drove out to Santa Monica last night to meet a friend who’s in town.  It did take a while…luckily I had my ex in the car to joke around with.”

TMI images

From that same email:

“Wednesday night a few of us are headed out to WeHo.  I might have a date already, but if not you’ll be next on my list to invite ;) ” (Yet again, I’m The Alternate)

So, what do you think? Am I being overly sensitive to him talking about his other women in the same breath that he is asking me out? Or, were we doomed from the beginning because he read the site before knowing anything about me?

You tell me. Date or no date?

(Random, but I found this picture when searching for TMI images)


* According to Urban Dictionary, the #1 definition for boning is: “laying your man pipe in a girl’s nether regions until neither party can handle it any longer.”

To date, or not to date.

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
February 2, 2010


Last week I had to have “the talk” with 3 different guys, and let me tell you, it has me seriously considering a self-imposed ban on dating.

It would be one thing if I were going out with guys that had a similar appetite for dating: Go out, have fun, enjoy each other’s company and see where we go. But, as it happens, the guys who approach me are serious about being serious, and it doesn’t seem to matter if we are, in fact, a good match.

Confusing-Name Guy and I finally came to a head last weekend when it became clear that I was driving him to that edge of dating-insanity that girls are typically credited for.  After ignoring a phone call from him at 7:30 PM (I had just arrived to a concert) he followed-up with two long text messages at 10:30 PM (I was still at the concert), expressing his confusion and frustration with my request that we “dial it back” – which you may remember was triggered by his offer to monogamously date after only three dates.

Mind you, if a girl were to call a dater and then text him the next day (let alone three hours later) with “I’ve been cool with backing off, but I feel weird and confused…I’m not angry…just a little lost…“, she would be tagged as crazy and would never receive a return call. I called him immediately for the talk.

Then I had to write an awkward email to a co-worker explaining that I’m not into inner-office dating. This is the guy that eHarmony embarrassingly matched me up with my first day on the site. Apparently he had been hurt when I closed the match and thought we should at least see why we were matched up in the first place.

But the biggest bummer was 1st eHarmony Date Guy. Here’s a guy that I really enjoyed spending time with, but knew it could only last so long. For him, the length of time was four dates, with the final date being this past weekend. We went out and had fun, but when he dropped me off and received nothing more than a hug and a “talk with you soon,” (which was my attempt not to lead him into relationship territory) I believe he had reached his limit. He called me 30 minutes later for the “where is this going” talk.

And so, there we have it. Maybe it’s just not nice to go out on dates when you’re not looking for a boyfriend. Or, maybe I should only accept dates with guys that instantly reverse my dating meter from “not looking” to “how you doin’.”

I’m going to give this some more thought and I’m open to your suggestions.

Should I continue dating? – That’s assuming I ever get asked out again after this week of bad-dating juju.