Since ending the sabbatical, I’ve been stood up by Mustache #2, I lost a Friday night to the Friday Night Thief and I revisited a previous dater (I didn’t write about it, but let’s just say, 3rd time was not a charm with Friend Zone Guy).

That said, it shouldn’t be a complete shock that I’m actually excited about tonight’s blind date.

Now, when I say “blind date” what I really mean is a friend from work set us up and forwarded me his Facebook page. Therefore, what I am not blind to is that he is tall, good looking, has a great education and makes photo videos to good music of his travels abroad. He also appears to play in a band that could border on hokey – which, if you know me, is a big plus – and he has been very nice and mildly funny in his emails.

Here’s the problem…

So far today, I giggled out loud at his email confirming the time and place for the date, I smiled to myself while walking through the office and I even had a daydream about him contacting our mutual friend for the office address and sending me flowers tomorrow.

I know…barf.

….I know.

I have absolutely NO idea if I’m going to like this guy tonight and even less of an idea if he’s going to like me, so what’s the deal?

I’m guessing that the reason for this is similar to the reason I got all excited about white rapper #2 – a younger guy with no job living in his parent’s NY basement…

I’ve been accidentally abstinent for too long. It’s a fact of single life and I blame the following people:

Friday-Night Thief

Mustache #1

Mustache #2

TMI Dan, Confusing-Name Guy

Mario the Masseur

the guy who told me that I ate a lot on our date

Laurie (the texter that turned out to be a girl)

“Let us pray” Guy

Twice-Engaged Guy

Soft-Core Porn Guy

Friend Zone Guy

Waiter-friend Guy

Pretentious Side-Note Guy

B-Looking Girl Guy

LA Guy

They are all responsible for my current situation.

Not quite sure what we’re going to do about the over-arching problem, but I DO know that between now and 8 PM tonight I need to simmer down. I don’t want to turn this poor guy into someone he’s not, and I don’t want to attack him if it turns out that he is.

I’m just going to keep telling myself: He’s better looking in his picture…his band is his life…he spends every Saturday night with his friends…he’s actually 5′6″ and posts pictures of himself with his 5′2″ friends…

Anything else?? Come on friends, help a sista out.

I’m guessing a picture like this isn’t going to help me, but you’re welcome anyway.

A successful, Beverly Hills friend of mine invited me to a book signing at his house. It would be a win-win for the both of us, he would be selling another book for the author and I would be introduced to his successfull Beverly Hills friends – although I wasn’t sure if that would be true “win” for me. (Incidentally, this is the same event that I met “LA Guy”)

The author was a university professor and mentor to my friend. The lecture itself was pretty dry and it took all the energy I had after a long workday to look the author in the eye and nod politely to ensure I paid attention and did not fall asleep. Which is funny, since during the book signing part of the evening, the author told me that he had purposely looked at me throughout the lecture because he could tell that I was really “getting it” since I was nodding my head.

I mentioned a few thoughts I had about his book (dangerous move, since I had not read it) and after a brief conversation he asked if I had a card. Since I had not brought them, he told me to send him an email. Since I’m notoriously bad at follow-up, I decided to make a real effort the next day and send an email to the author with a few additional thoughts.

In his reply, he wrote:

I loved your note, and attitude. Let’s so to a museum or something like that in the next few weeks, as part of our mutual effort to connect with LA. Let me know if that sounds doable! I hope you like the book.

At first I didn’t think much of this, until everyone I mentioned it to insisted that this 70-year-old university professor/author had inappropriate intentions and likely wanted to sleep with me. I insisted that was crazy, but no one would agree with me that he was just being a nice, old teacher, looking to share some knowledge.

So as a test, I wrote back the following:

I think that would be fun and I’m tempted to invite our friend [the host of the book signing] to join us, in the spirit of the outing.

Over a month and I have not heard anything.

Apparently those kinds of relationships actually do happen. So much so in LA that this grossly large (did I mention that?), twice my age older man actually thought I might sleep with him. That is a whole new arena of “approachable” that I had hoped I did not give off.

I could probably go on and on about this particular dater, but all you need to know is this:

Lawyer turned screenwriter and I came home from the 1st date with a screenplay.