Girls with Boyfriends are Boring

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
November 29, 2012

When was the last time you saw a romantic comedy (or even just a comedy) where the lead girl had a boyfriend? How about a sitcom? I’m sure they’re out there (is that show Whitney doing well?), but there’s a reason single girls are the preferred heroines…


Girls with boyfriends are boring.


yawn4


At least that’s what I realized after I posted my last entry. adidas messi 2017 I lost two Facebook likes and received no answers to my question.


I get it. I’m not offended. My readers come here expecting fun single stories. louboutin femme Not sappy boyfriend stories. The only thing more boring than a girl with a boyfriend is a girl who’s married. At least girls with kids can share crazy kid quotes/anecdotes. Girls with boyfriends/husbands just have stories about going out to dinner and obsessing about the progression of their relationship.


Here’s the deal. I’m fine with it. I had my time in the sun. Single life was fun and the dates made for good blog fodder, but it’s time for me to be a bit of a snoozer. Now, instead of saying yes to every date request, I have to find non-awkward ways to let guys know I have a boyfriend. Recently, a guy I met before boyfriend-hood texted me and asked if I wanted to get drinks. I replied that I had “acquired a boyfriend.”


OK. So maybe I haven’t mastered the non-awkward part.


I also have the challenge of being sensitive to another person’s needs. Last week I unexpectedly held him captive at my sister’s house for the entire day and I booked a couples trip to Mexico without consulting with him. I may have some work to do on this front as well.


Meanwhile, I’ll do my best not to bore you with BF stories as I figure out the next chapter of this blog.


P.S. It’s Hot Shy Guy – not that anyone asked.


Taking a page from “The Bachelorette”

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
November 25, 2010


Ali and her men (scratch out Frank)

Ali and her men (scratch out Frank)



I’m not a huge fan of The Bachelor, but I never miss a season of The Bachelorette. I have two reasons for this:


1. It’s entertaining to watch grown men get insanely jealous when the girl they like goes out with other people. (Hi Kettle, I’m Pot. You’re black).

2. This show is a perfect example of a woman being forced to listen to my Grammy’s Dating Advice. By design, she is dating multiple guys at the same time before making the biggest decision of her life.


Let’s be real. adidas messi 2017 In real life, Ali would have met hot Roberto and immediately cancelled her dates with Frank and Chris because she would never want to potentially ruin an opportunity with the seemingly perfect, gorgeous, x-baseball player. Openly dating multiple guys at the same time (and accepting over-night dates with each one in Tahiti) is frowned upon in the real world.


But should it? Are we (ladies) setting ourselves up for failure by clinging to the best available option, shunning all other men and dating exclusively for years until we break down and get married? We might as well get married to these guys after the 4th date. Isn’t it the same thing?


That’s what I love about watching this show. Whether Ali likes it or not (and I tend to believe she does) she is forced to compare and contrast these guys over a total of 3 months to find the best fit for her. The only thing that is that this is a show. They are on camera 24/7 and the only “alone” time they ever have is in that overnight suite. Not the makings for a strong relationship (hello Vienna and Jake).


So maybe I should take a page from The Bachelorette and give this a shot in the real world.


I’ve been thinking about this over the past few days because I came home after work this week to find a CD tucked in the bars of my screen door with a note from Apartment B. louboutin homme The CD was of some music he’d been playing one night that I said sounded good on my way up the stairs. The card was his business card and on the back it said, “Call me or stop in anytime. Love to get a drink with you!”


The idea of dating someone in my apartment building brings up a whole new host of Melrose Place-type issues that we can get into another time.


For now, let’s dive into the fact that I am still hanging out with Hot Shy Guy (HSG) – even though I’ve halted writing about him, at the impassioned request of my more vocal readers. And while we have not talked about being exclusive, I do feel that he might be frustrated if I accept drinks with Apartment B.


That said, I also feel that at 29, I would be doing myself a disservice by dismissing other date requests just because I’ve passed the four-date-mark with HSG.


I think the best thing to do is to mention to HSG that it’s important to me that I don’t get too serious too fast, and then hope for the best. Oy. I’m such a dude.


So. A real life Bachelorette. adidas yeezy I’m sure I can handle it. I mean, I already successfully navigated a “Group Date” when I went 4 for 7 on Valentine’s Day.


On my own agai…

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
November 9, 2010

Sad Fridge


This is what my fridge looks like right now. If you’re having trouble seeing, it is occupied only by my Brita water filter, Earth Balance vegan butter and an expired Fage yogurt which I haven’t’ thrown out because I don’t want it to smell up my kitchen.


Yes, I realize I can just take the trash out and that vegan butter and Greek yogurt are an icebox oxymoron, but that’s not where I’m going with this.


I took this picture a few days ago and titled it “sad fridge” on my desktop. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with the image, but it struck me…


(time out)


I started writing this post around 8 PM tonight at the Coffee Bean by my house. My plan was to write about how slow my dating life has been since bouncing Ex-Coworker Guy and Hot Shy Guy from my dance card. And, I hadn’t quite figured out how, but I was going to weave my pathetically empty fridge into the post as a symbol of my fresh start.


Apparently, I didn’t get very far because I was interrupted by a guy that I had offered my second chair to. I’d been using it as a stool for my legs, but realized it was probably selfish of me to take up two seats by the computer-melting fire pit on such a cool night.


So I offered my foot stool to a guy wearing a United States Navy sweatshirt – catapulting my gesture from thoughtful to patriotic. He was very nice and eager to chat, so I closed my laptop and learned that Navy Guy is also a Gemini and had just jogged 13 miles on the sand with a weight vest on. Very intense. After about five minutes of niceties, he got up to leave and asked for my number. I gave him my card, which felt cooler than reciting my phone number in front of all the coffee drinkers typing around the fire.


I didn’t think too much of the exchange and went back to writing the post. I was actually a bit relieved that he had left because there was a guy sitting in the next seat over that I was more interested in sharing my second chair with.


Riding a confidence wave from Navy Guy, I decided to take things into my own hands. I stood up and asked Next Seat Over Guy if he would mind watching my computer while I refilled my tea with more hot water. I thanked him when I got back and he replied by smiling and saying, “No problem, it wasn’t hard.”


I didn’t hear him correctly over the fire pit and said, “You like it hot? That’s funny. I just said that exact phrase to the guy that filled up my tea.”


He looked at me like I was crazy, yes, but during the explanation of the misunderstanding I somehow convinced him to scoot his chair closer to mine. We started chatting and the next thing you know it’s 10:50 and the barista is telling us it’s last call for coffee/tea.


As we started walking away from the fire, Next Seat Over Guy asked that we exchange numbers and this time I did so with a more of a bounce in my step.


As I walked home I felt a bit disappointed that I hadn’t finished my original blog post – my one goal for the night. Then it hit me that I had set out to write about my sad, empty fridge (aka non-existent dating life) and came home with two new potential daters. Not too shabby for a $1.95 hot tea and two hours at the Bean.


Next stop, Trader Joe’s.




Unsolicited flower delivery! From…

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
October 19, 2010

On Friday, I came back to work from lunch to find a beautiful bouquet of flowers on my desk.


I took a moment of pause because in all my years of working I have never received unsolicited flowers. In fact, the two times I’ve received flowers were when I had a death in the family and when my now ex-boyfriend reluctantly sent me carnations in a wicker basket after I told him to send me flowers (he had really messed up). (btw – the carnations didn’t help his cause).


So there I was at a major moment in my career (dating and work) looking at these gorgeous long-stemmed flowers…


Flowers


As I picked up the card my mind immediately went to Ex-Coworker Guy. In all fairness, flowers after two dodged kisses might just be his style. Of course, that would make me an even bigger a-hole for writing my last post.


The only other person I’ve even been hanging out with recently is Hot Shy Guy and I was fairly certain they could not be from him - especially since I had, unfortunately, called it quits with him 4 days earlier.


I haven’t written about HSG since I learned he knew about the blog, so allow me to bring you back into the fold with a little background…

 

The decision to have “the talk’ with HSG was really difficult. He has an amazing heart and I really like him on all the most basic levels, but I had to admit to myself that we weren’t progressing toward a relationship – and likely wouldn’t in the near future.

 

When it came time to actually tell him, I danced around the truth for a while until he finally forced me to say, “I don’t think we should hang out anymore.” It was really hard to admit. For the first time in a very long time, I felt heartbroken. I cried.


(Cut back to the flowers)


Who sent them? Overwhelmingly thoughful Ex-Coworker Guy? Recently released Hot Shy Guy? Or (worst case) my mother? (Ha. As much as I love you, mom, that wouldn’t be very blog-worthy)


Sorry – this is serious.


I opened the card…


Hi [S.A.G.],

 

I just wanted to say that I would be really lucky to be friends with you. I didn’t want you to cry on the phone, or now, but I’d be excited to continue the friendship.

 

- [HSG]

 

I was speechless. This was the first tangible token of affection from HSG and and it was perfect.


Four days later and the flowers are still as beautiful as ever and my heart aches a little when I look at them. My coworkers keep asking me, “Are you sure you made the right decision?”


At least for the near future, I know I did. Sometimes people come into our lives and we’re not quite sure what do to with them. We know they are important and we want them to fit a defined role, but it’s simply not taking.


I don’t know if HSG and I will remain friends, but I sure hope so. I’ve never heard of a boy sending “let’s be friends” flowers after a break-up, but I can only imagine that’s the kind of boy you want in your life.




Am I too selfish for this guy? Heather, don’t answer that.

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
October 6, 2010

When I was a freshman in high school, 2nd Chair Sax and I gave each other thoughtful gifts every singe month on our anniversary. Picture frames, symbolic movies, you name it. And each gift was accompanied by a lovely and emotional letter. asics soldes That’s one considerate gift every 30 days. Mind you, over a decade later I’m lucky if I remember to pay my bills every 30 days, but whatever…


With my college, long-distance boyfriend, we were not so “on schedule” with sentimental symbols of our relationship, but we did have picture boxes full of memories, well-thought-out holiday/birthday gifts and matching cowboy hats that we would wear when we traveled to see each other.


I’m not sure if it has to do with getting older or my most recent boyfriend – who bought me a sit-up ball and weights on my birthday and sent me flowers (AKA carnations) one time in 3.5 years – but I seem to have lost my thoughtful dating instincts.


Since I’ve been dating in Los Angeles, this hasn’t really been an issue – as you’ve read. asics shoes But thanks to Ex-Coworker Guy, I’m suddenly feeling very self-conscious about how selfish I am in dating – no thanks to my readers, I might add.


When I shared the story about this most recent dater smuggling soy white-russians into our bowling date, the responses were unanimous that this is the one of the best guys I’ve dated so far. Reader Heather went on and on about it and then followed it up with, “…Keep us posted and remember to treat him with equal thoughtfulness.”


Is she assuming that I won’t?


The funny thing is, I hadn’t really thought about not being thoughtful enough to him until I read her comment. But then I remembered back to a comment that Rose had posted a month ago when I told Hot Shy Guy how I felt about his apartment. She replied, “S.A.G, I always admired your honesty. But I think you might have put it a little mildly, instead of slapping it on his face…


Hmmmm. ugg mens boots Maybe I’m not a very thoughtful dater…?


On our 3rd date, Ex-Coworker Guy took me to a concert at the Hollywood Bowl and really started to make me feel inadequate. air jordan 1 He planned everything out. He packed a picnic that met both of our eating restriction requirements, pre-sliced limes for our Coronas and called days in advance to pre-book a parking spot in Lot A (which is probably more convenient than Valet).


I’m going to type that again in case you didn’t catch it…


He called days in advance to pre-book a parking spot in Lot A. If you’ve ever schlepped up Highland with coolers and blankets to get to a concert at the bowl you will appreciate Ex-Coworker Guy’s efforts. (Here’s a map if you need more convincing)


parkingvalet_map



Then, after the concert, as I was getting out of his car he said, “Oh wait, I have something for you.”


He reached into the backseat and pulled out a book originally published in 1934 titled, Becoming a Writer. asics gel lyte 3 I had mentioned to him on our first date that I like to write and told him a couple of ideas I had for screenplays. He said that I have good ideas and this book will help get them out. lunette de soleil Inside the book was a burned CD of the band we had just seen at the concert.


Well shit. Nike Air Max 90 Baskets Now the pressure is really on for me to “treat him with equal thoughtfulness.” I can’t let Heather down!


So on our 4th date, we went out to dinner and drinks and then he walked me up to my door. ray ban promo code 2014 I’m sure this is the point when I’m supposed to “return the selflessness” by way of a kiss, but if you are a frequent reader of this blog, you will know that I tend to flounder under pressure.


In an effort to avoid the awkwardness, I diverted his attention by giving him a tour of my apartment. In doing so, I pointed out a mirror that has been sitting on the floor since the Pink Truck moved me in back in February and I mentioned that I really wanted to hang it up.


The next thing I know I have my tool kit and laser level out and he’s hammering nails into the wall. Air Jordan 29 Did I mention is was 2 AM?


At this point, I’m a tad conflicted.


On one hand, I accidentally encouraged my overly-attentive dater to do manual labor in the middle of the night – not at all living up to soy-white Russians and vintage books.


On the other hand, the mirror is finally up and I have officially settled in to my new-ish apartment. (Hmmm…I see how selfish that sounds when I say/type it outloud)


I’m sure I’ll think of something kind and selfless to do for Ex-Coworker Guy…I’m sure I will.


…Oh damn. He just emailed me a date coupon for “An Evening of Romance and Laughter” that is “good for any night this weekend.”


If you’re counting, that’s 6 for Ex-Coworker Guy, negative 2 for Single. nike air max 2017 soldes Approachable.


Honesty. I, for one, feel better.

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
August 8, 2010

I dragged HSG to hot yoga today. Not sure why I thought it would be a good idea to give my dater a front-row seat to me sweating profusely, but I knew it would make him feel better since he’s been under the weather.


After class we were starving (and insanely sweaty) and so I offered that we take showers at my place and then go out to eat.


The problem was that I had plans to clean my apartment today and so my place was not in good “come use my shower” condition. I have white tiles on my bathroom floor and if you’ve ever had a white-tile floor in dusty/dirty-air Los Angeles, you know they are a huge mistake.


So when we got to my place I hurried into the bathroom with some paper towels and surface spray and started wiping down the bathroom floor. It was very Monica, from friends.


monica


HSG: If you’re worried about a little dirt on the floor, you must be horrified by my place.


S.A.G.: No I’m not.


(uncomfortable pause)


That was a lie. I have actually been considering writing a blog about his apartment titled, “Don’t turn the lights on.”


Not one to lie, I followed my original answer.


S.A.G.: Well…(still wiping down the floor to avoid making eye contact)…what I mean is, I’m not horrified by it because I don’t have to live there.


HSG: Ha. Word.


If honesty is the basis of a good relationship, I think we’re off to a good start.




Blog? What blog?!

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
July 14, 2010

I’ve always known there is a limit to how long I can date someone without telling them about the blog. Since most daters come and go within 3-4 dates, I haven’t yet reached that limit. But I have pictured what I would say to someone and how I would ease them into it once I was ready to share this side of myself.


(sigh)…best-laid plans…


After posting Previously homeless, Red flag? I had a vivid dream that Hot Shy Guy (as I now refer to him) read the post, got pissed and outed to me by hacking into my blog and replacing my avatar on my home page with an actual picture of me.


Aside from hacking into my WordPress, it was a fairly valid concern, considering we were set up by mutual friends who follow me on Facebook.


The thought of hurting his feelings overwhelmed me and I spent the next few days analyzing the post and questioning friends about whether or not I should take it down.


Many girlfriends had the same gut-reaction as me.


“Take it down. If I were dating someone only to find out later that they were writing about me on a website, I would be pretty upset.” Even my brother suggested that I take it down.


But then I spoke with some friends who convinced me otherwise with some very wise-sounding statements:


“Your blog is an expression of you and you shouldn’t cater it to other people’s feelings. Plus it’s anonymous so no one knows who you’re writing about.”


“Changing it would mean altering yourself to make the guy you’re seeing happy. What kind of relationship are you starting if you change yourself at the first sign of trouble?”


“How he feels about your blog is his deal, not yours. He may be overly sensitive to it, or hate it, and never speak to you again, but that means that he is not going to embrace you for who you are. On the other hand, if he is worth your time, he will probably like the blog and like you more because of it.”


So I decided to stay true to the blog, my opinions and my writing and deal with the subsequent consequences. I left the post as it was. I even wrote another post about Hot Shy Guy. I mean…what were the chances that he knew about S.A.G. anyway?


As I learned on Sunday, the chances were pretty good.


OUT cover


According to Hot Shy Guy’s confession to me on Sunday, he had run across the blog before we’d been set-up (thanks a lot, Facebook suggestion-ads) and had read it a few times. Our mutual friend told him that I had a blog, but didn’t say what it was. Once we started hanging out, I guess he put 2-and-2 together since I recycle my own “material” on dates.


Once he read Previously homeless. Red flag? he decided not to read it again.


The surprising part was that he didn’t stop reading it because I falsely accused him of being homeless – although I’m pretty sure he didn’t like me more after reading that. He said that he understood the blog was my creative outlet and didn’t want me to stop writing. As such, he decided not to tell me and that it was only fair he stop reading.


I guess the secret was weighing on him and he came clean on Sunday. Still. He insists that he hasn’t been reading.


I know what you’re thinking. “Yeah riiiiiight.”


Considering that I still happen across my ex-boyfriend’s Facebook page for engagement announcements against my own will, I tend to agree with you.


So here we are. For the first time, I’m dating someone that knows about the blog. I’m in unfamiliar territory for sure, but I’m going to follow my wise-friend’s advice. The tough part about that is that I am officially taking ownership of this not-so-anonymous side project with the hope that this guy, and future potential daters, embrace it – along with me.


P.S. I’d just like to add (since he’s not reading this) that it drives me crazy that Hot Shy Guy has no windshield wiper fluid in his car. Seriously, how does he drive around with such a dirty windshield? Is he completely blind when he drives into the sun?


P.S.S. I’ll let you know how clean the windshield is next time I see him.





I’m not as psycho as that looked. Really.

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
July 2, 2010

So I’ve gone out 5 or 6 times with a guy that I might (wait for it…) actually like. He’s smart, funny, successful and our mutual friends really like him – always a good sign.  He’s also a tad shy, which I’m finding endearing and, at times, hot even.


So, we were out on Monday night at a small-venue concert.  If you follow me on Twitter, you may remember this was the night I accidentally ate garlic for dinner and realized on my way to the date I was wearing the exact same outfit I had worn on our previous date. (Happily, he didn’t notice, or didn’t say anything…about the garlic breath or the repeat ensemble).


Throughout the night, he was showing off his new iPhone4 – taking HD videos, multitasking, etc. He’s trying to convince me not to get the HTC EVO, but we’ll see. Regardless, what I learned is that he is one of those guys who keeps the keypad locked on his phone. To me this says he is private, patient (unlike me who can never wait the 3 seconds to get to my home screen) and wants to avoid accidentally calling people from his pocket – again, smart.


Now, I typically turn away when someone is typing in a private password. But for some reason I made out which numbers he was typing. I really didn’t think anything of it at the time. Just a random, snooping accident.


So last night we were on our way back from dinner and I playfully grabbed the phone out of his hand – wanting to mess around with it. When the key-lock screen popped up I must have not been thinking clearly because I instinctively typed in the 4 numbers I had noticed on Monday night. As I pressed the 4th digit I thought to myself, “what….are….you….doing!!??” and then, to my horror, the home screen popped up.


I blurted out (again not thinking) “Oh my god.”


Hot Shy Guy: “What?” His gaze goes directly towards the iPhone, probably assuming I’ve f-ed it up (a fair guess).


S.A.G. (looking like a child caught stealing): “Ahhhh…I just typed in your password…by accident.”


Hot Shy Guy (confused look): “How?”


I then fumbled my way through the an explanation, but let me tell you, it doesn’t really matter what I said. I had successfully broken into the man’s iPhone4 on my first try. He has every right to go home and check his apartment for hidden cameras and evidence of spy software on his Macbook pro.


His response to my crazy stalker skills was a pleasant surprise: “That’s OK. I looked at all of your pictures on Facebook today.”


In his mind, we were even. What he doesn’t know is that I had also looked at all of his pictures on Facebook that day and such an act is not considered stalking, just normal Facebook behavior. But I kept that to myself and we went one with our date like nothing had happened.


Looks like I’ve dodged the psycho-girl bullet for now, but I better keep my apparent, super-spy-powers in check for a while.


iPhone Lock Screen


Previously homeless. Red flag?

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
June 27, 2010

I do not consider myself judgmental. I like pretty much everyone – with exception to people that purposely try to hurt me (fairly rare) or people with really limp handshakes (drives me nuts. I mean, seriously. Firm grip or bust.)


So it didn’t really occur to me to second-guess one of my current daters when he told me that he lived out of his car for 3 months a while back.


My initial instinct was to think “that’s strange and sounds horrific, but now he has a great job and lives in a 1-bedroom apartment…”


My girlfriend begs to differ.


“So he told you he was previously homeless on a first date?”


S.A.G.: “Well, it’s not like he slept on a bus-bench with a shopping cart, but he didn’t have an actual home, so I suppose you could put it that way.”


My girlfriend: “Was it some sort of social experiment? Did he do it on purpose to prove a point?”


S.A.G.: He didn’t put it that way. He just said matter-of-fact, ‘I lived in my car for 3 months when I first moved out here.’”


My girlfriend: “And that didn’t strike you as a tad odd that he didn’t have any friends with couches or family that would lend him money?”


S.A.G. “You make a decent point…”


My girlfriend: “Not sexy, my friend.”


My friend has me taking a second look at this dater, but I’m still not sure this is a deal-breaker. At least he isn’t trying to hide anything. Similar to the guy from “Let us pray,” he’s laying it out on the table during date #1 and letting me do what I will with the information.


Shouldn’t he be considered a success story? He started in Los Angeles with nothing but an old beat-up SUV (which he still drives despite his great job) and is now living the American Dream. I could see him on the Today Show with Matt Lauer explaining how he worked his way up from the streets of Santa Monica to what some would consider a dream job.


I mean Danny Bonaduce was homeless at one point.


Ok. Maybe not be the best example. But, according to facehomelessness.com, the following, now-successful people where once homeless: Jim Carrey, Kelly Clarkson, JeanPaul DeJoria, Hilary Swank, Shania Twain, Martin Sheen, Jewel, Kelsey Grammer, John Woo, William Shatner, Heather Mills, Daniel Craig, Lil’ Kim and Drew Carey.


So what do you think? Is previously-homeless guy endearing? Or should he be categorized under previously-dated?


Jim_Carrey_131