To date, or not to date.

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
February 2, 2010


Last week I had to have “the talk” with 3 different guys, and let me tell you, it has me seriously considering a self-imposed ban on dating.

It would be one thing if I were going out with guys that had a similar appetite for dating: Go out, have fun, enjoy each other’s company and see where we go. But, as it happens, the guys who approach me are serious about being serious, and it doesn’t seem to matter if we are, in fact, a good match.

Confusing-Name Guy and I finally came to a head last weekend when it became clear that I was driving him to that edge of dating-insanity that girls are typically credited for.  After ignoring a phone call from him at 7:30 PM (I had just arrived to a concert) he followed-up with two long text messages at 10:30 PM (I was still at the concert), expressing his confusion and frustration with my request that we “dial it back” – which you may remember was triggered by his offer to monogamously date after only three dates.

Mind you, if a girl were to call a dater and then text him the next day (let alone three hours later) with “I’ve been cool with backing off, but I feel weird and confused…I’m not angry…just a little lost…“, she would be tagged as crazy and would never receive a return call. I called him immediately for the talk.

Then I had to write an awkward email to a co-worker explaining that I’m not into inner-office dating. This is the guy that eHarmony embarrassingly matched me up with my first day on the site. Apparently he had been hurt when I closed the match and thought we should at least see why we were matched up in the first place.

But the biggest bummer was 1st eHarmony Date Guy. Here’s a guy that I really enjoyed spending time with, but knew it could only last so long. For him, the length of time was four dates, with the final date being this past weekend. We went out and had fun, but when he dropped me off and received nothing more than a hug and a “talk with you soon,” (which was my attempt not to lead him into relationship territory) I believe he had reached his limit. He called me 30 minutes later for the “where is this going” talk.

And so, there we have it. Maybe it’s just not nice to go out on dates when you’re not looking for a boyfriend. Or, maybe I should only accept dates with guys that instantly reverse my dating meter from “not looking” to “how you doin’.”

I’m going to give this some more thought and I’m open to your suggestions.

Should I continue dating? – That’s assuming I ever get asked out again after this week of bad-dating juju.

eHarmony – Top 5 Profile Pics to Look Out For

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
December 15, 2009

So I’ve been keeping up with the eHarmony deal to see what it’s all about. I haven’t actually met up with anyone yet, but I’ve made it to “open communication” with this one guy and if I’m reading his witty banter correctly, he’s going to ask me to meet up in the next 2-3 days. I guess we’ll see if my dating ESP translates to eHarmony.

And BTW – I mentioned in my previous post that I’d been matched up with a co-worker and a friend of my x-boyfriend…well it happened again, but this time it was an x-dater, Friend-Zone Guy! Honestly…

So I’ve been keeping notes as I go and will share my findings with you. Today, let’s focus on profile picture selection. The following are the top five profile pics to look out for:

5. In a winery. A number of the guys I’ve been matched with have pictures of themselves, standing between rows of wine barrels. I’ve thought about it more than I probably should, and I think what this comes down to is that guys don’t have many pictures to chose from – shocking I know. Well, it’s not like every group of boys has a token “camera nazi” guy that sends around pictures from the day before via Picasa. So when a single guy is looking for pictures of himself, he’s choosing from pictures with his immediate family (not likely a first-pick) and pictures that his x-girlfriend took of him while on their trip to Santa Barbara wine country. Makes complete sense…”Here honey, go stand by the barrels to show how big they are.”

4. Wearing sunglasses in the one picture posted. What’s the deal? glass eye? If the eyes are the windows to the soul, I would be concerned about a guy that’s not willing to show them off.

3. Holding what looks like a black cat in a picture with the following caption: “I found this baby Chupacabra in the bushes in the Dominican Republic.” OK – maybe that is awesome? I’m torn.

2. The self-portrait iPhone pic in front of a mirror. I’m sure this goes back to what I was saying in #5, but I mean – you really have NO other pictures? No friend to take a photo? No cheek-to-cheek picture with an x-girlfriend that you can crop her out of? (which almost made the list, btw, but it’s still a step up from the mirror shot). These pictures just always seem so lonely – especially the one I came across where the guy is standing in front of the mirror in jeans and no shirt. Word to the wise – girls can tell when your flexing.

1. Questionable looking facial sore. Now, I’m not one to judge facial imperfections (especially after what I went through with the acne toucher), but all I’m saying is, you should probably avoid posting a picture of yourself on eHarmony with what could be mistaken for as herpes of the mouth. Even if it’s the best picture you’ve ever taken and it really shows your hilarious personality, at least touch it out of the picture…iPhoto must have an app for that.