Going it alone

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
March 21, 2010

People (specifically other single women) often ask me how I meet new people (AKA men).

I don’t know that I have an answer for them. But, I do have a tendency to go places on my own (a la Private Party Crasher) and I’ll tell you right now, it’s a great way to meet people. My theory is that there’s nothing more approachable than a girl, comfortable enough to hang out by herself in a public place.

Obviously, you can’t be retarded about it. I’m not suggesting that single girls in LA go hang out at Union Station late at night. Here. I’ll provide an example…

Last week I got home from work with lots of energy. Staying home was not an option, so I took my laptop to Coffee Bean and did a little writing. That went on for about 1 hour before some smelly old guy sat down right next to me and it was time to keep it movin’. I started walking and remembered that the local bar by my house has karaoke on Monday nights, so I stopped in to check it out.

The place was pretty empty but I’m friends with the bartender so I sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. That’s right – it only took 3 weeks to befriend the local bartender…is that a problem?:) I figured I would have one drink, sing one song and go home to bed.

Fast forward two hours…

I’ve had two healthily-poured glasses of wine, I’ve sung 4 songs (but whose counting), I’m playing a dice game called “Shut the Box” with an old English guy and two guys sporting mustaches, and the karaoke guy is referring to me by nickname over the loudspeaker to come up to the stage and sing “A Whole New World” (from Aladdin) with him.

Did I mention this is a Monday night??

The only other people singing are a boy and a girl on their 2nd date. Next thing you know, the karaoke guy, the 2nd date couple and I are all on stage singing Journey together – switching off parts and harmonies. I ended up going home just before 1 AM. So much for my one-and-one-and-bed plan.

I realize that this scene is not for everyone. 80’s rock karaoke and old English dice games aren’t in high demand with lots of girls in L.A. But, as it happens, over the next few days I was contacted by the karaoke guy, mustache #1, mustache #2 and 2nd date guy (woops).

No, I did not give my phone number to all these people (just mustache #2), but you’d be surprised how good some people are at finding you on Facebook.

See. I told you the sabbatical was over.

Shut The Box

Facebook Chat Set to “Offline”

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
March 19, 2010

I like Facebook as much as the next girl – especially since most people’s photos are still available for the viewing – but while we’re on the topic of Too Much Information

Facebook friending (as we’ve discussed before) is not a science by any means. There are few rules and if you’re of a certain age and went to a large-enough high school or college, you’re bound to have roughly 150 past acquaintances that now hold the title Friend. It’s all pretty innocent of course. So what if that guy from your AP Environmental Science has access to your pictures and status updates? No harm, no foul. I’m too am guilty of logging on the pages of once forgotten high school classmates to see how they turned out.

My recent issue is with the Facebook Chat. It breaks down the safety-barrier of the skillfully tagged/untagged pictures and allows for real-time, unedited personal conversations with the people that you can’t remember having conversations with back when you spent hours upon hours in the same building.

Here’s what happened…

Back in August, I was minding my own business (well, not really) on Facebook and all of sudden a window pops up and I hear that little “blip.” It’s this guy I went to elementary, middle and high school with. I hardly remember us having interaction over those 13 years (and mind you, I was in the marching band, so it’s not like I was too cool for school).

My mind immediately starts racing through the reasons he could want to catch-up via live chat. According to his profile, he lives in Canada, so I’m guessing he doesn’t want to go out. After the initial “hello, how are you doing” chat, he drops “I’m engaged.”

Now I get it. He’s so excited about his pending nuptials that he wants all of his Facebook friends to know and he is devoted enough to chat with each of us personally. So the conversations goes like this (exactly like this, actually):

S.A.G. “nice! congratulations, when are you getting married?”

Random high school guy: “it’s ok, she’s far away right now. Maybe next summer, not really sure yet”

S.A.G. “oh. where is she?”

Random high school guy: “She’s from Sweden. I met her in Boston. Sometimes I miss the single life though. It’s a big leap that’s for sure.”

S.A.G. “well…sometimes I miss having someone. The grass is always greener”

Random high school guy: “Yeah. I had no idea what a change it would be”

S.A.G. “Being engaged?”

Random high school guy: “Yeah. I had the best single life living in Boston.”

S.A.G. “So…is she living in Sweden right now?” (a quick change of subject, followed shortly by a “my computer battery is about to die” excuse)

Since this Facebook chat, he has chatted with me before every major holiday to ask if I’m going to be home and if I would like to get a drink. Each time I inquired about the engagement and each time it was still on. So sad.

I didn’t think too much about this isolated incident, but then this happened…

Same situation – a “blip” from a random guy that lives far away, but this time he is from college and he is so obscure that when he originally asked to be Facebook friends I had to look at all his pictures and our mutual friends before deciding it would be bad form not to accept.

At the very start of the chat I mentioned that I needed to be going to get to my dinner plans. He asked if it was a date and I said yes (it’s true, the sabbatical is over) and then he starts telling me about his ex-girlfriend…

S.A.G. “how long since the breakup?”

Random college guy: “well, about 6 months…but we kind of didn’t stop being physically exclusive until about a week ago.”

S.A.G. “wow. So one week.”

Random college guy: “it was a weird breakup…no bitterness but we stayed physically exclusive which was great. Oh no no…we have been broken up.”

S.A.G. “that’s nice…but I bet it’s hard to be unemotional about sex when it used to emotional”

Random college guy: “we just…ya know…stayed in touch physically!”

S.A.G. “I hear you. For sure. I’m sorry, but it’s time that I get out of here so that I’m not more late than usual.”

Random college guy: “Yeah that’s the problem…I like the emotional sex so much more though”

S.A.G. “It’s good to have a mix, I’m sure. Have a great saint patrick’s day!”

Random college guy: “I feel like if there is emotion I can make her feel better and take her to places she wouldn’t normally go…if you get my drift.”


S.A.G. (in my mind) “Your subtlety makes it difficult, but I think I get it…”

BTW – This was the FIRST conversation we’d had in 5 years and it took place over a total of 5 minutes


Anywho, I’m now officially “Offline.” For those of you that have experienced something similar, here’s how you change the setting:


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