Let’s Talk Thirty

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
June 19, 2011

zone30


I’m currently sitting in a booth at my favorite bar in Santa Monica with a Chimay and my iPad. It’s 8:08 on a Saturday Night. I’m wearing glasses. I’m likely the lamest person ever to go to a bar on a Saturday night.


Just two weeks ago I was at this same bar with a large group of friends celebrating my 30th Birthday. This feels like a stark contrast and I’m hoping it’s not indicative of my 30’s, but I will say I’m thankful for a free night to write.


On a separate note, I have a few of unnoticeable, but rather uncomfortable, bubbles on my right eyeball. We’ll come back to that later.


Being alone at a bar with tater tots and a wireless keyboard is almost motivation to call Yoga Instructor Guy (one of the reasons I haven’t written in almost 3 months), but it’s best I restrain. (I’ll let you know how that’s going after beer #2)


Having rounded the corner into this new decade, I am wise enough to know I am the master of my own destiny and one Saturday night alone isn’t going to kill me.


I’m the girl who chose to be single and 30, vs. 30 with a 23-year-old yoga instructing boyfriend. I’m the girl who broke it off with thoughtful, attractive, wise-beyond-his-years Yoga Instructor Guy just before my birthday and RSVP’d solo to all seven of my Summer weddings. I’m the girl who chose to attend wedding #1 as a 15th wheel with my 7 girlfriends and their boyfriends/husbands.


I don’t regret my decision. Just like I don’t regret dating Yoga Instructor Guy. We dated for roughly 2.5 months and for half of that we were dating exclusively, which was a first for me since donning the title Single. Approachable. Girl.


He was a great dater…


He would pick me up from the airport in the middle of the night just to have 4 hours with me before I would leave again to go on another work trip or a bachelorette party, or wherever it is I’ve been doing.


He customized yoga classes for me and gave me secret “adjustments” when no other yogis were looking.


He didn’t care that I was working ridiculous hours and even claimed to admire my passion


He fixed my loose doorknob, my towel rack and my internet connection.


He remembered everything I ever told him. He remembered more about me than I did (very helpful at times).


About a month in, I asked him if we were dating exclusively and he said, “I’m exclusive with you. I wouldn’t want to date anyone else. Don’t you feel the same?”


I’ll pause for the inevitable “aw….”


Despite all of that, I’m sorry to say the more serious we got, the more unsure I got about having a boyfriend.  I’d like to say the age difference didn’t have anything to do with it, but I’m sure that would be a lie. For some reason it didn’t feel natural. Unfortunately for me, being single and 30 just felt more…right.


Breaking it off with Yoga Instructor Guy didn’t stop me from going to Yoga – this 30-year-old has to stay fit somehow. Nor did it stop him from coming to my party. He came, he met everyone and won them over. My friends and colleagues were coming up to me saying, “I just met [Yoga Instructor Guy], he’s GREAT! Why didn’t it work out with you guys? You’re crazy, get back together with him!” Turns out Yoga Instructor Guy put on quite the campaign.


That brings me back to the bubbles on my eyeballs. I noticed them two days after I broke the news to Yoga instructor Guy. I freaked out and went to an optometrist. She gave me a new prescription, but didn’t tell me much about the eye bubbles. Then my mom told me I went to the wrong eye doctor. There’s more than one type of eye doctor??


Anywho, I went to the ophthalmologist, and he told me I had conjunctive cysts on my eyeballs. In lay-mans terms, that means the mucous membrane surrounding my eyeball is randomly releasing tears the wrong way and they are getting trapped. That’s right. I have trapped tears.


S.A.G.: “So should I just have a good cry then?”


Ophthalmologist: “It doesn’t really work that way.” He handed me some eyedrops and a pamphlet about cauterizing eyeball cysts. Cross your fingers the eyedrops do the trick.


I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. I discarded a perfectly suitable, would-be boyfriend without so much as a whimper, in exchange for being a 15th wheel and the loner four-eyes at a bar. It would seem my eyes are not in agreement with my decision.


Sure. It’s a risky move “at my age,” but so long as my trapped tears remain unnoticeable to prospective suitors, I’m hopeful this risk will payoff.



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6 Responses to “Let’s Talk Thirty”

  1. LA Idiot Says:

    I think you made the right decision. You really have your act together and not many (if any) 23 year olds do…no matter how mature they seem. There is a lot of personal growth between 23 to 27. You won’t be the 15th wheel of long.

  2. Nicole Says:

    Its very interesting to me that you should post this post at this point in my life. I have also begun to date someone younger than me. I’m 29 and he’s 21. And he treats me like a queen. Very similar to the way your yoga instructor seemed to make you feel. And in the grand scheme of things the only thing really holding me back from diving fully into my relationship is his age. I completely understand your doubts, or at least i think I do. Often I feel that our timelines don’t sync up and I find myself laughing at/forgiving for/questioning his innosense. I hate that it always seems like he has yet to experience the world but at the same time I love that his spirit has not been hardened or tainted by what too many heartaches has done to mine.

    I never comment on your posts, although I am an avid reader and thoroughly enjoy all your stories. But this time was different. I felt compelled to say something. It was never evident to me before your pain. I read it through your words this time. Never before. I think you are truly questioning your decision and ignoring a key factor perhaps. I think the most important question here is… Did he make you happy?

  3. Single. Approachable. Girl. Says:

    I should probably follow-up this “pain”-filled post by telling you what happened after I finished writing. I met a marine biologist and went to sing Karaoke with him and the cute bartender. See. No pain. Just fun. :)

  4. janna Says:

    i think you made the right choice. you hit the nail on the head when you said, “being single and 30 just felt more….right.” i am 31, and after being in a few relationships that went absolutely nowhere, i decided i wasn’t going to enter into another relationship unless he had the qualities i knew i wanted. no more making excuses for his age, his living situation, his inabity to commit right now, etc, etc; i even began to contemplate whether or not i even wanted to get married. i knew it would take a special man to make me turn my back on my “singlehood”…i enjoyed it sooo much!! i figured, i’d rather be single and happy, then coupled and frustrated…

    …then….i met a guy. a great one…one i dont have to make excuses for. i think for me, i had to be willing to stay true to myself and not settle for what i know i dont want in order to appreciate this new relationship without any cynicism. and its working beautifully!

    s.a.g., i say, if being single is what feels right to you then, by all means, that’s what you should do!! enjoy it!!

  5. Rose Says:

    Sorry about your eye bubbles S.A.G. Eye problems are not fun, and when I get them, I usually eat lots of greens, mainly Kale, Raw Carrots and Ripe Mangoes, and I drink lots of water.It certainly helps fasten the cure.

    Welcome to wise thirties.Sorry about not working out with yoga guy. IMHO and the way I’ve lived my life so far, It’s always better to be single than hang out with a guy when it doesn’t just feel right. Amen !

  6. janna Says:

    …soooo…its janna again…guess i spoke too soon abt the guy i was in a relationship with. i posted on here less than a week ago, and i’ve had to rid myself of him already. but i’m not bitter! bought a new coach bag as a parting gift to myself, and i’m moving forward! back to the freedom of being single! :-)