Shocker: Bike Shop Guy is a Pothead

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
December 11, 2010


I voted to legalize marijuana with the best of them, but if there’s something I’ve learned dating LA boys, it’s that a habitual smoker is not the best match for me.

I hate sitting around: I’m almost never at home – especially during the day. I get anxious if I’m not accomplishing something (even if my accomplishment is going for a coffee).

I have no self control around snack foods: It’s hard enough watching what I eat on a daily basis. Do I really need a partner that encourages self-induced non-stop hunger cravings and makes pit stops for Hostess cupcakes?

I’m fun: Hard core smokers have a tendency to think that everything is more fun stoned. When you’re around someone that always wants to smoke-out while hanging out, it’s hard to avoid thinking that maybe you’re not enough fun to hang out with sober. I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but I’m pretty fun and I don’t want to be hanging out with someone that inadvertently makes me feel otherwise.

There’s only so much of The Simpsons, South Park and Family Guy one girl can take: No explanation needed, I’m sure.

When I accepted a date with Bike Shop Guy, I was well aware that we may not be a match made in heaven. It’s sort of like having a crush on a hot bartender. If he’s over the age of 30, he’s either an out-of-work actor or a career bartender – both red flags for someone like me.

But in typical S.A.G. fashion, I focused on the good traits of Bike Shop Guy. He was attentive, seemed funny and potentially career minded (he had moved back to the U.S. from Mexico to get an education – he said).

So when he texted me on a Friday morning and asked if I had plans that night, I accept the invitation – telling him we could meet up for a drink after my dinner plans with a girlfriend.

After dinner, a text message conversation confirmed that he had some friends over making margaritas and I should come join in. I was digging the casual vibe and even had some leftover homemade salsa to share so I agreed to stop by on my way home.

When I walked in to his apartment, the scene was not quite what had been depicted via text. Apparently, “friends” meant one “homie” sitting on the couch and “margharitas” meant Tecate beer.

S.A.G.: What happened to the margharitas?

That’s when I picked up a familiar scent.

S.A.G.: Ah. I know what happened…

Bike Shop Guy: Ha. Yeah, we haven’t quite gotten around to the margaritas yet. Do you want me to make you one?

S.A.G.: No. no. A beer is fine (surveying the scene and figuring out how long I needed to stay).

So there I was, sitting on a couch, drinking Tecate and watching Sports Center with two guys that had been “smoking all day long”. There was very little conversation – just the occassional attempt from Bike Shop Guy to get to know me better. You know, asking introspective questions like, “Do you follow basketball?”

It was pure, awkward torture.

Happily I was able to use stoner time to my advantage. Since one minute stoned feels like 20 minutes sober, I was able to ease out after roughly 15 minutes and head home.

The only casualties were my newly-purchased plastic salsa bowl and 1/2 bag of Fritos scoops. I figured it was for the best. At the very least I knew the salsa would not go to waste.

One Response to “Shocker: Bike Shop Guy is a Pothead”

  1. Rose Says:

    Hey S.A.G,

    I feel for you. I think you’re a very polite date. :-) ( please forget my previous quote).

    In your place, I’d have excused myself immediately outta there, quoting the fact that I’ve an allergy for smoke. I feel suffocated even if I’m exposed in it for few seconds. Kudos to your sweetness for staying for 15 mins in the beautiful scent.

    One of my girl friends introduced me to her date, ‘coz she wanted my opinion on him.I thought I didn’t think my opinion matters, I could not tolerate the guy for few seconds ‘coz he was smoking. He was smoking right on my face when we were talking, and I asked him not to. He’d just ignore it and do it anyway. So I made an excuse and ran out of there.He came back after few mins, and managed to talk to me for 20 mins when we were eating pizza without smoking.Still he stinks of that smell.

    Well, I did not wonder too much on why my girl friend likes him.He’s super hot, tall, handsome, and she doesn’t mind the scent of smoke, though she’s a non-smoker.

    Since it was my girl friends potential boy friend
    , I had to be polite and put up with it, for her. If I was her, I just would not have even for few secs. :-)

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