Part 3: Ok, ok. I get it.

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
December 31, 2010

In Part 1 we were hopeful.

In Part 2 we were disenchanted.

In Part 3, we were _______________ (I’ll let you fill in the blank)

So between the dirty jokes, talk of past girlfriends with fake boobs and Facebook friending, this conversation happened:

Cute Guy with a Puppy: Since my business has been slower during the recession, I got my insurance license to make additional income.

Single. Approachable. Girl.: That sounds smart.

Cute Guy with a Puppy: Yeah. And now that I know so much about this particular type of insurance, I gotta say, it’s a really good idea.

S.A.G.: I’m sure. Wait a minute…is this why you asked me about my benefits at work?

Cute Guy with a Puppy: Well, I was curious because I typically work with companies who want to offer their employees added benefits and from what I can tell, your company appears to be pretty progressive.

(It never occurred to me that giving a guy my business card could backfire in this way)

S.A.G.: (uncomfortable laugh) It would have been fairly amazing if you had broken into a sales pitch on a first date. I thought that company was auto insurance, anyway.

Cute Guy with a Puppy: No…

S.A.G.: Oh. Health insurance?

Cute Guy with a Puppy: No…

S.A.G.: What kind of insurance is it?

Cute Guy with a Puppy: Well…since you asked…

(No. This is not happening.)

That’s when Cute Guy with a Puppy broke into a full-on sales pitch on the first date. And, like most sales pitches, it went on for roughly 5 minutes without pausing for breath.


This is when it all came together. Cute Guy with a Puppy was getting pressure from his mom to ask me out because I’m the first non-plastic girl over the age of 25 (he is 37, btw) she’s ever seen talking with her son. He didn’t really want to call me, but decided to do some research and see how he might benefit from the date. He couldn’t find me on Facebook (primarily because he had forgotten what I look like), which he found a tad intriguing. Then he researched my company, and realized he would be able to expense the meal if he could force-fit his 5-minute spiel into the otherwise crass conversation.

Oh yes. I almost forgot to mention…

Further questioning about the puppy unearthed the expected truth that he and his mom “share the puppy.” Translation: The puppy lives with my mom and I hold the leash when we go to the farmer’s market.

And if I’m not already feeling like a complete asshole for inflating this guy’s ego by intentionally handing him my card (i.e. all the power in this dating scenario), Part 4 of this saga is right around the corner to sucker punch me in the face, point, and laugh.

The final chapter, coming soon…

(don’t forget to fill in the blank for Part 3)


4 Responses to “Part 3: Ok, ok. I get it.”

  1. Rose Says:

    In part 3, We were …. um ? flabbergasted !

    There’s a part 4 to this …? crossing fingers … You’re killing us with the suspense S.A.G ! This guy does not sound anything near fun !  

  2. Josh Says:

    Puppies work…. always…

  3. Heather Says:

    SAG…I don’t know if you’ve ever seen this commercial…but it’s worth preparing yourself the next time you come across a cute guy with a puppy…or a cute puppy with a guy ;)

  4. ChicagoRose Says:

    This story keeps getting more amazingly unreal.

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