Part 2: Let me count the ways

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
December 29, 2010

As I prepared for my date with Cute Guy with a Puppy at the Farmers Market, I tempered my anticipation for the date by reminding myself how first impressions can be misleading. There was a good chance I could be disappointed by my “catch” from the Farmers Market.

But, being the eternal optimist, I couldn’t help but think, “what could possibly be that wrong with him?” He rescued a deaf puppy from the side of the road, he has a good relationship with his mother, he appreciates a small-town LA farmer’s market…he was tall…

By the time I met him at the restaurant/bar I was thrilled to put an end to the ping pong match in my head and see first-hand what Cute Guy with a Puppy is all about.

That didn’t take too long, primarily because each conversation revolved around him. The only question he asked me all night had to do with the type of benefits I get at work (unless you count him saying, “OK. Go. Say something interesting.”).

So, apologies, in advance, to all you optimistic readers out there, but the following is what Cute Guy with a Puppy is all about:


1. His Body

As soon as I sat down he announced he was hungry, which was a relief because so was I. As we perused the menu, I started getting nervous that our first conversation would be about my lactose intolerance issues, but he interjected with, “I used to be super motivated about being crazy healthy, but now I’m not as concerned about eating well.”

S.A.G.: Interesting, what was your motivation?

Cute Guy with a Puppy: You know how a girl gets in shape before she get’s married? That’s what it was like for me.

S.A.G.: Is this your way of telling me that you’re married?

Cute Guy with a Puppy: No. I just had a similar motivation. We’ll leave it at that.

S.A.G.: OK…

I almost felt bad for prying, but then realized he brought it up. Oh well. Whatever. He went on to eat one large fish taco, a chicken sandwich covered in cheese and sweet potato fries.

That would sound like a lot, but he only drank 3/4 a bottle of Corona over a 3-hour period. I asked him if he just wasn’t feeling like drinking, or if one beer is typically his limit and he answered, “I prefer to eat my calories, not drink them.”

2. Young 20-somethings with fake boobs

Cute Guy with a Puppy: I’ll be honest with you…

(If it were appropriate to start taking notes on a date, this is when I would break out paper and pen because the quotes preceding that phrase are typically not to be missed)

Cute Guy with a Puppy: …I had a lot of fun in my 20’s and didn’t take relationships all that seriously. Now, I’m either having fun with hot 22-year-olds with fake tits or hanging out with girls that I think I might want to settle down with.

You’ve got to love brutal honesty.

S.A.G.: Well (with a smile), I should probably break it to you that I’m actually not 22.

Cute Guy with a Puppy: I didn’t think you were.

S.A.G.: That was a joke, but ouch.

Cute Guy with a Puppy: My mom really wanted me to give you a call because she thought you seemed very grounded.

While I appreciate he did his mom a favor by going out with me, I have a feeling he’s still partial to the “fake tits” because they made it into roughly 10% of our conversation that night.

3. His 4,000+ Facebook friends

Within the first 15 minutes of the date he told me that he wasn’t able to find me on Facebook.

S.A.G.: Oh. That’s strange. Maybe my privacy settings are more hardcore than I thought. Funny…I didn’t even think to Facebook you.

Cute Guy with a Puppy: You mean, you didn’t Google me?

S.A.G.: No…

He looked genuinely confused – disappointed even – and then stated he has over 4,000 Facebook friends.

I sort of chuckled, but didn’t respond. (Another bad joke)

We spent quite a bit of time on the Facebook topic. He checked to see if we had mutual friends (we had two, but he couldn’t say how he knew them), he sent me a friend request and he continued to mention his 4,000+ Facebook friends. I just kept chuckling at the ridiculous number, hoping he would let the joke die. He didn’t.

4. Inappropriate jokes

Think, “that’s what she said,” but dirtier. Then picture him dropping different shades of that same joke after every comment I made. He would also interrupt my stories with these little gems – when I was able to fit one in.

Nothing was off limits. He made at least 5 mentions of us sleeping together that night. He told an offensive gay joke and then when I didn’t laugh he said, “you’re acting like you have a gay brother or something. Come on, it’s funny!”

It went on and on like this throughout the date. At first I thought he was just nervous, but then I realized this was his attempt to compensate for being uninteresting. Harsh? Yes. True? Yes.

Now, I know what you’re probably thinking. This has got to be the end of this story. Not so.

To be continued…


One Response to “Part 2: Let me count the ways”

  1. Rose Says:

    OMG S.A.G ! Really very sorry the date went the way it did. But, I still am happy that you took the step forward to see how it goes with a possibly nice guy you met.

    I can’t imagine this is not the end of the story ! Reading this makes me so shocked, I’ve no idea what you went through. I’m waiting for the next part … and hope it’s not horrible than this one. Please tell me you ran away quickly from this guy !

    And don’t get me started on the “not asking questions” thing. I faced lot of boring first dates ( which I ended for good ) only ‘coz the guy keeps talking a lot about himself, and doesn’t ask me a question. Later I read somewhere, that it’s a guy thing.Guys usually don’t ask questions, if they’ve something to share, they chip in – ( between two guys ), they expect girls to do the same. I even asked Terry ( happy girl musing ) once about this, and she too said the same, that we should chip in information, and if he still changes topic to him, then he’s a narcissist.
    Btw, I’m just telling it to you generally, not related to this guy.

    Ladies, please tell me – do you observe this a lot in your dates ?

    I totally agree with the picture of the post for the guy, after your date ! :-) That’s how I picture him ! Enuff said ! :-)

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