Am I too selfish for this guy? Heather, don’t answer that.

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
October 6, 2010

When I was a freshman in high school, 2nd Chair Sax and I gave each other thoughtful gifts every singe month on our anniversary. Picture frames, symbolic movies, you name it. And each gift was accompanied by a lovely and emotional letter. That’s one considerate gift every 30 days. Mind you, over a decade later I’m lucky if I remember to pay my bills every 30 days, but whatever…


With my college, long-distance boyfriend, we were not so “on schedule” with sentimental symbols of our relationship, but we did have picture boxes full of memories, well-thought-out holiday/birthday gifts and matching cowboy hats that we would wear when we traveled to see each other.


I’m not sure if it has to do with getting older or my most recent boyfriend – who bought me a sit-up ball and weights on my birthday and sent me flowers (AKA carnations) one time in 3.5 years – but I seem to have lost my thoughtful dating instincts.


Since I’ve been dating in Los Angeles, this hasn’t really been an issue – as you’ve read. But thanks to Ex-Coworker Guy, I’m suddenly feeling very self-conscious about how selfish I am in dating – no thanks to my readers, I might add.


When I shared the story about this most recent dater smuggling soy white-russians into our bowling date, the responses were unanimous that this is the one of the best guys I’ve dated so far. Reader Heather went on and on about it and then followed it up with, “…Keep us posted and remember to treat him with equal thoughtfulness.”


Is she assuming that I won’t?


The funny thing is, I hadn’t really thought about not being thoughtful enough to him until I read her comment. But then I remembered back to a comment that Rose had posted a month ago when I told Hot Shy Guy how I felt about his apartment. She replied, “S.A.G, I always admired your honesty. But I think you might have put it a little mildly, instead of slapping it on his face…


Hmmmm. Maybe I’m not a very thoughtful dater…?


On our 3rd date, Ex-Coworker Guy took me to a concert at the Hollywood Bowl and really started to make me feel inadequate. He planned everything out. He packed a picnic that met both of our eating restriction requirements, pre-sliced limes for our Coronas and called days in advance to pre-book a parking spot in Lot A (which is probably more convenient than Valet).


I’m going to type that again in case you didn’t catch it…


He called days in advance to pre-book a parking spot in Lot A. If you’ve ever schlepped up Highland with coolers and blankets to get to a concert at the bowl you will appreciate Ex-Coworker Guy’s efforts. (Here’s a map if you need more convincing)


parkingvalet_map



Then, after the concert, as I was getting out of his car he said, “Oh wait, I have something for you.”


He reached into the backseat and pulled out a book originally published in 1934 titled, Becoming a Writer. I had mentioned to him on our first date that I like to write and told him a couple of ideas I had for screenplays. He said that I have good ideas and this book will help get them out. Inside the book was a burned CD of the band we had just seen at the concert.


Well shit. Now the pressure is really on for me to “treat him with equal thoughtfulness.” I can’t let Heather down!


So on our 4th date, we went out to dinner and drinks and then he walked me up to my door. I’m sure this is the point when I’m supposed to “return the selflessness” by way of a kiss, but if you are a frequent reader of this blog, you will know that I tend to flounder under pressure.


In an effort to avoid the awkwardness, I diverted his attention by giving him a tour of my apartment. In doing so, I pointed out a mirror that has been sitting on the floor since the Pink Truck moved me in back in February and I mentioned that I really wanted to hang it up.


The next thing I know I have my tool kit and laser level out and he’s hammering nails into the wall. Did I mention is was 2 AM?


At this point, I’m a tad conflicted.


On one hand, I accidentally encouraged my overly-attentive dater to do manual labor in the middle of the night – not at all living up to soy-white Russians and vintage books.


On the other hand, the mirror is finally up and I have officially settled in to my new-ish apartment. (Hmmm…I see how selfish that sounds when I say/type it outloud)


I’m sure I’ll think of something kind and selfless to do for Ex-Coworker Guy…I’m sure I will.


…Oh damn. He just emailed me a date coupon for “An Evening of Romance and Laughter” that is “good for any night this weekend.”


If you’re counting, that’s 6 for Ex-Coworker Guy, negative 2 for Single. Approachable. Girl.



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6 Responses to “Am I too selfish for this guy? Heather, don’t answer that.”

  1. Leigh Says:

    Are you sure this guy is straight? I’ve been dating heterosexual men for a long time and I don’t recognize any of this behavior. Maybe there’s some sort of litmus test?

  2. lifebeginsat30ty Says:

    Is it bad that if a guy started doing this to me, I might get freaked out for being too into me? Yeah. There’s such a thing as being too attentive! Or wait, no! Just enjoy it. Don’t think about it too much. He obviously likes doing these things for you :)

  3. Rose Says:

    S.A.G, I had a sudden surprise reading my name in your post.

    I’m sorry if I made you feel you’re not a thoughtful dater. I did not intend that to you, my dear friend. I did not see HSG’s apartment, and I don’t know how much it bothered you. I do not even know how comfortable you feel with him. You know sometimes, we’re too honest with someone we’re comfortable with, or sometimes someone we don’t like so much. I don’t know the entire case obviously when I shot that comment.

    I’m sorry at the way you felt seeing the comment. I’d have sent you a sorry card with flowers, if I knew your office address. That’d be the first from a girl friend. hahahaha. Don’t worry, just kidding.

    May be, now that I think of , I may not have been a thoughtful commentor of your blog ! :-) I really feel you’re a great girl, and you deserve the best ! Btw, we’re almost the same age and I’m a S.A.G too ! :-)

  4. Rose Says:

    Okay, now I just realized I posted something irrelevant to the blog post.He seems like a very planned person, more than thoughtful. Thoughtful – sure, but if a person is just trying to be thoughtful – this’d be too much to handle for him, if he’s not a very well organized person.

    Some people by nature plan everything out well in advance. I know a guy like that from school.

    He plans when he’ll get married, how many kids he’d have, when he’ll finish certain work, when and how much he’d earn and everything, everything in life goes by his plan.Atleast 5 yrs ahead of his life is planned in advance. If our team has to go somewhere, he plans it perfectly days in advance. I’m a spontaneous person, but I always appreciate a well planned tour or thoughtfulness.

    But sure, sometimes it could freak us out, the thoughtfulness or the perfect planning as well.

  5. Single. Approachable. Girl. Says:

    Rose – I only mentioned your comment in good fun. I want you to tell me how you’re feeling about my posts – the cold hard truth! Thanks for reading!

  6. Rose Says:

    S.A.G -sure, I’ll take your comment in the way it’s intended. :-) Sometimes text has no tone, so it’s hard to interpret in few cases.

    You’re my fav blogger, so you can count on me for good feedback, ‘coz you know I like your blog and you ! Happy to get your reply.

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