The Stalking Network

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
September 29, 2010


I’ll admit I have not seen The Social Network yet, but the following comment from a review on made me laugh – and almost cringe.

“I joined Facebook for the same reason Mark Zuckerberg created it: the relationship status. Our stories are not identical, but the parallel between “The Social Network”’s portrayal of Zuckerberg’s motivation to build Facebook and my own once-obsessive existence on the site kept me grinning throughout the film…In 2004, the sight of my college boyfriend’s Facebook profile — in particular, the relationship status — gave me a reason to log in, upload a pic and make a relationship request.”


Here’s the situation…In the last month I have run into 2 current girlfriends of my ex-boyfriends.

Now, when I say, “run into” what I really mean is, I saw them out in public and recognized them.

No, I had never met them before. And no, my ex-boyfriend’s were not with them at the time. The reason I knew they were the new women in my ex-dater’s lives is that I just happen to see them in photos on the boy’s Facebook pages.

When I saw the first one, I was at a beach concert with a girlfriend. We were eating large vege sandwiches from Bay Cities deli, wearing comfortable clothes (i.e. boyfriend-jeans that are tighter than they should be) and hats to hide the fact that we hadn’t showered.

A few rows ahead of us, there were some hot girls dancing with Hula Hoops. If you’ve ever seen hot girls Hula Hoop dancing, you know what I’m talking about. It’s casual, sexy and sporty…your basic nightmare. It didn’t take long to recognize one of the girls as the new, adorable girlfriend of a previous dater. I hear she’s a fitness trainer.

So there I was, song after song, wearing tight boyfriend-jeans, eating a hoagie and staring at a cute, tight-bodied fitness trainer spinning a Hula Hoop as though it were some sort of horrific car accident.

Then, a couple of weekends ago, I was waiting to sit down for brunch with a few friends on a Sunday morning and noticed the current girlfriend of my first major boyfriend sitting in the same restaurant – looking cute as ever in her Lululemon workout gear (not that she looked sweaty, but I digress).

In both situations, I didn’t have to worry about the girls knowing who I was. I was just some chick sitting on the beach and waiting for a brunch on Montana. How were they to know that I had have seen their pictures from camping trips and romantic getaways? (Holy heck that sounds creepy).

I would be embarrassed about all of this, but I know I’m not alone. It’s not like I joined Facebook to stalk ex-boyfriends. Facebook just makes it too easy. All you have to do is click on a status update and the next thing you know you have subconsciously memorized the faces of our ex-daters new daters. If it weren’t for Facebook, I could have enjoyed my foot-long Italian sub and actually paid attention to my friends at brunch.

Do you think I want to have this unsolicited knowledge? Clicking through recently-posted photos seems harmless enough, but the next thing you know the girl in the photo is sitting, or hooping, right in front of you and you can’t close out of the window.

Darn you, Zuckerberg.

3 Responses to “The Stalking Network”

  1. Sweaty girlfriend #1 Says:

    I love how you threw both of us under the “too tight pants and not showered” bus. Haha!

  2. Single. Approachable. Girl. Says:

    Well. I’m pretty sure the not showered part was true, but I’ll admit, your jeans are always nice and loose when they’re supposed to be :) I just didn’t want to be alone! Ha.

  3. Whitney Says:

    Heck, I’m a full on fb stalker and I’m married. I love to peak into other people’s lives, ex’s and people I barely know. Thank goodness that’s the one thing that’s still private on fb — nobody knows how much you visit other people’s pages!

Leave a Reply