When I was 16, I had this boss that was very disliked by a lot of my co-workers…more than anything because he calls it like it is…blunt..insensitive..brutally honest..tactless…different words with different connotations but at the end of the day…it means more or less the same thing.

For whatever the reason, John took a liking to me as an employee. I’m sure more than anything because I took (and still do to this day) my job very seriously. So instead of sitting on my derriere chit-chatting on the phone all day long, I actually worked.

At any rate, the other girls did not like me. I was targeted as the black sheep and treated like an outcast. Why? Because I had very good work ethics. So no matter how hard I attempted to make peace…covered for others because they needed the day off at the 11th hour…gave up shifts because someone needed extra money…or kept the place in spic-and-span order so that they didn’t have to pick up for my slack…it remained to no avail. I was and will always be the boss’ pet…and ergo the enemy.

One day, it got so bad that I became emotional (maybe it was PMS who knows), all I know is that John unexpectedly walked in and caught me in my moment of vulnerability. He said something to me that day that frankly has changed my life. He said “Heather, I’m going to share this with you and the sooner you get it, the more happy you’ll be. No matter how hard you try and no matter what you do, someone somewhere is going to be unhappy with you. It’s pointless to try to satisfy everybody. The best thing you can do is just be true to yourself and not worry so much what people think.” It was not rocket science but for whatever the reason it hit me like an epiphany. I have never been more liberated.

Now I must admit, this is something much easier said than done and that the average person would not hear it and embrace it overnight like I somehow managed to do. But I am telling you that that is where your self-consciousness and insecurities are fundamentally rooted. You worry too much what others think.

Now caring what people think is not always a bad thing because if we didn’t, we would all tell our bosses to go take a jump in the lake now and then and end up losing our jobs; or for some of us, we might end up breaking the law and risk imprisonment. My point is, instead of going to the extreme of anti-social behavior, just remember those very words…NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, SOMEONE IS GOING TO BE UNHAPPY WITH YOU (or in your case, with your choices in fashion and your overly flirty behavior). You cannot please everyone so instead of living your life for others, just live for the person who is going to be with you 24/7 365 days out of the year…YOU.

So my suggestion is this…which you’ve already embraced…admit that you don’t have a fashion sense. Some people suck at math, some people are not born athletically gifted, some people cannot carry a tune worth mentioning…what is so wrong in admitting, you know what, having an eye for fashion isn’t my forte?!? Once you accept this, then instead of taking the “adventurous” route, walk the conservative path of imitation. You see something in a fashion magazine or a television show you like, just imitate it. It doesn’t have to be identical but just close enough. People magazine is notorious for taking a photo of a celebrity wearing some trendy outfits and then giving you suggestion for some similar more economical solutions.

Think of it this way, if I was musically gifted, I write songs and perform them on stage. If I don’t have that musical “intelligence” in my genes, I’m going to sing popular songs that have already been written by someone else in my car, in my shower, or at a Karaoke bar (where showing you have no musical talent is acceptable) It’s no different. Don’t reinvent the wheel only to have others criticize you especially if your self-esteem is already lacking. People who suck at algebra have no business enrolling in Calculus if they don’t want to fail.

Now if you have a stronger self-esteem, I would say, your new mantra should be…”Beauty is the eyes of the beholder and you’re entitled to your opinion but I’m happy with my choices thank you very much.” But you don’t (at least not about fashion) so don’t kid yourself.

We all have our insecurities…you will never catch me playing team sports…because I suck badly enough that I don’t want to ruin it for everyone else. I’ll hike…I’ll do yoga…I’ll zipline…I’ll snorkel…and I’m even bold enough to get this…go out on a dance floor and dance by myself while it’s completely empty…but I won’t do anything where my poor eye-to-hand coordination will negatively impact whether a team will win or lose.

I’m sure you’re not at all insecure about your writing ability. If you were, you wouldn’t have posted this blog. That you’re insecure about your fashion sense based on your history is not only normal…it’s human. Don’t beat yourself up. Instead just say, you know what I don’t have a sense for fashion and that’s perfectly ok. That’s what fashion magazines are for…to help the less fashionably savvy.

Take a look at Gwyneth Paltrow and that Gawd awful black gothic mesh dress she wore to the Oscars in 2002. It accentuated her bad posture, made her breasts saggy and took what is normally an attractive woman and made her look like malnourished vampire (and not in a trendy Twilight kind of way either). And heck, she had a stylist! If these people who do this for a living can make bad choices, you my Single Approachable Girl are not invincible. Just be thankful, it was just your 4 friends giving you constructive feedback vs. the majority of the 2002 Oscar viewing audiences laughing at your fashion absurdity and the tabloid ripping you to shreds for your wardrobe choices.

Anyway, not sure if what I’ve shared has helped you or hurt you. But just remember, at the end of the day…it’s just one woman’s opinion, nothing more. And you know what they say about opinions…like a**holes, everyone has one

i heart you S.A.G, and now i feel like a total LA asshole (which i SWEAR im not!)

please forgive my drunk blunderings!

I’m sure those girls needed to tell you then and there to wear you down. Otherwise you know, they could have told you at the end of the bar scene.

At least it’s okay with gf’s. But a guy commenting on a woman’s fashion sense, asking to wear thongs is sooooooo very lame and rude. Leave fashion to women and don’t be so girlie telling a girl what would look best on her and what won’t !

And about the guy who said you were flirting too much, omg, he’s the one with serious self-esteem issues and needs to pull others down. I’d have told him on his face, some guys who don’t have the nerve to approach a girl, always blame her for being too shy or too flirty. How sad.

I don’t know what his intention was when he said that ! To pull you down, ‘coz he was disappointed. Hmmm.

Sorry you’re feeling low now.But I’m sure this too shall pass, be the happy, confident self you’ve always been. After all we don’t need to have fashion gurus around us who critique/evaluate our dressing all the time. I’m sure there are many normal people in L.A, who don’t care too much about fashion.