No I will not buy you stemware

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
June 23, 2010

I’m not going to pretend to know a lot about wedding etiquette. Thanks to my poor correspondence skills with non-best-friends, I’ve only been to 3 or 4 weddings in my life.


But even with my lack of wedding experience, I must say that I find what just happened to me to be pretty tacky – and this coming from a girl who 8 times out of 10 shows up to a dinner party empty-handed.


I just got home from work and noticed that I had mail. I opened the mailbox to see a beautiful big envelope with my name written in calligraphy. FANCY!


Thrilled that it wasn’t a bill or a coupon for diapers (apparently I’m on a new-mommy list, no idea why) I tore into the envelope to see what fancy-fun was inside.


It was a wedding invitation. Yay! Having only been to 3 or 4 weddings I can still react that way in earnest.


But my thrill quickly turned to confusion as I read the the names of the couple who I was invited to “celebrate God’s faithfulness with.” I was already familiar with this particular union and the wedding was happening in 7 days, 3,000 miles away.


There must be a mistake, I assumed, as I searched for markings on the envelope indicating it had been floating around postal service offices for the last 4 months. Nope. Perfectly clean. Correct address and all.


Still wanting to give this college acquaintance the benefit of a doubt, I decided I should RSVP “no” immediately. Clearly this was sent out late and she’s probably frazzled trying to nail down all of the wedding plans.


Hmmm. That’s strange. There’s no reply letter and no RSVP information. How do they expect me to tell them that I’m not coming??


That’s when it hit me.


They already know I’m not coming because they never wanted me to come in the first place! (dun dun dah…!)


I do remember thinking it was strange when I received a save-the-date card for the wedding many months back. Specifically since the bride and I had not spoken since college (6 years ago). I knew I would not fly across country for the wedding, but without a proper way to reply to the save-the-date card, I decided to hold my RSVP for the actual invitation – something I figured a save-the-date was a precursor to. When I never received the invitation, I just assumed that for whatever reason I was no longer invited and I honestly didn’t think twice about it.


So here I am. 7 days away from an event I never intended on attending, with a beautiful non-invitation and no way to reply to it. What is the point?


Is this like the time my friend asked me to be an attendant at her wedding and I had to ask around to figure out what that was and why I would need a special dress?


Is this some fancy-wedding tradition to send a non-invitation to the D-list friends 7 days out as a reminder that you’re not really invited, but (by the way) here’s how you can find our registry? It can’t be….can it?


I’ll admit this non-invitation/invitation situation potentially “grinds my gears” (as Peter from The Family Guy would say), but I will not take my confusion any further than this post. I’m still going to hold out hope that this is just a mistake made by a busy bride and not some ploy for another place setting


I wish the couple all the happiness in the world as they “become one.”  I really mean that.


I’m just not going to buy stemware to prove my sincerity.


Wedding-Gift-Glasses-3rd-Year



4 Responses to “No I will not buy you stemware”

  1. OyVey Maria Says:

    DYING right now!!!

  2. Ashley Says:

    Oh Dear S.A.G,

    It’s the tradition of asian people to send wedding invitations even to people they know cannot attend, flying over huge miles. It’s just a way of saying, we remember you and want to let you know of our wedding. So don’t take it too personally.

    Sometimes due to being busy with wedding plans, asians only send out cards to people a week prior to wedding ( even for people in the same city ).The receivers won’t mind that and show up.

    An asian friend of mine still sent a wedding invitation to me, when she was leaving US to her home country, knowing I won’t be coming that far. It’s just their way of making the other person feel important enough to give the wedding card. I’d take it as a compliment that she did care to send me her card.

  3. Ashley Says:

    and btw, you are really not expected to send gifts in this case.Just an email/phone call wishing would do, if she’s a little close.Else, you can do what you’re already doing.Forget about it.

  4. Single. Approachable. Girl. Says:

    Ashley – thank you for clarifying. I figured I was just not in-the-know (per the usual).

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