TMI? You decide.

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
March 11, 2010

I’m all for open communication – even when it comes to sharing past relationships. But, I’m currently questioning how much information is TMI (Mom, that stands for too much information) at the beginning of a dating relationship.

For example: I was asked out by a male reader (Dan) via comment on my recent blog, “To date, or not to date.” While it was one of the better validations for my blog title – and my avatar’s good looks – my initial excitement about dating him may have tapered off a bit after his consistent mentioning of other girls in his email correspondence. I can’t decide if I’m being completely hypocritical, being that he has read my dating blog, or if I’m right to feel a little turned off. I think the main difference between my blog posts and his emails is that I am not attempting to court anyone with my blog posts.

You tell me. Dan and I have had pretty humorous email communication, but have yet to go on a date. I look to you, my readers, to tell me if I should move forward and meet up with him. (BTW – it turns out that he works with a friend of mine, so I have confirmation that he’s not a serial killer – that is until he reads this post, maybe).

Let’s take a look the correspondence before we come to a final decision:

From his initial blog post comment:

“So this past week I jumped back in, went on 3 actual ‘first dates.’” (I would say this is a totally normal thing to admit to on this blog forum)

From an email asking me when it is appropriate to have  The Talk when dating:

“…but I will say that I start to feel bad, like I’m “stringing a girl along”, after a couple dates if I can tell they’re hoping for bigger things when I’m just enjoying being with them.  So it is with [dog girl] right now.” (Clearly, dog girl likes Dan and so this might be his way of promoting his desirability – understandable).

From an email after the valentine’s day weekend:

“Sorry, I’ve been a little busy.  I took the plunge and celebrated V Day with my main squeeze, which was fun.  I also saw the, er, dog girl Saturday night which was cool, though we did have “the talk” so we cooled things down a bit.  Sort of.” (I question the use of “Sort of” here..does that mean they are just boning*? hmmm)

From another email:

“Wed night I was talking to my ex about all the dates she has been going on through eHarmony.”

From a following email:

“Hey, sorry it took a while to write back.  Last week was intense [at work].  I also met another girl.  So I’ve been a little busy.”


It was at this point I replied with, “Funny that you’re always open about telling me that you’ve been busy with other girls. Do you do that with all potential daters? Or is that because my dating life is out in the open so you feel it is safe in this space? I’m just curious.”

His response:

“These days I am trying to be extra honest right out front so nobody gets hurt.  …but yes, especially with you, as I have some catching up to do in terms of laying it all out there.  Of course if we were to start dating in any sort of romantic sense, I’d tone it down, as I don’t expect you’d want to hear about all that…But right now I think part of our appeal to each other is discussing dating and our dates with other people.”

In his next email:

I just drove out to Santa Monica last night to meet a friend who’s in town.  It did take a while…luckily I had my ex in the car to joke around with.”

TMI images

From that same email:

“Wednesday night a few of us are headed out to WeHo.  I might have a date already, but if not you’ll be next on my list to invite ;) ” (Yet again, I’m The Alternate)

So, what do you think? Am I being overly sensitive to him talking about his other women in the same breath that he is asking me out? Or, were we doomed from the beginning because he read the site before knowing anything about me?

You tell me. Date or no date?

(Random, but I found this picture when searching for TMI images)


* According to Urban Dictionary, the #1 definition for boning is: “laying your man pipe in a girl’s nether regions until neither party can handle it any longer.”


13 Responses to “TMI? You decide.”

  1. OyVey Maria Says:

    Do not date. There is definitely a line that needs to be upheld during the getting to know you & courting portions of dating. Just because he reads the blog and knows about your past relationships, doesn’t mean he needs to throw all of his dates in your face to ponder. Also, a little too much hanging out with the ex girlfriend to me…that is a red flag to me….i figure it’s his ex for a reason, he doesn’t need to be with her every weekend. love the tmi pic :)

  2. moniquedame Says:

    Do not date. While he may feel it is okay to be honest with you about the girls he is seeing he is doing it in a really horrible manner. For that reason alone he lacks the communication skills necessary to date you. I don’t think your feeling off about it is weird at all.

    Just reading those select lines turned me off.

  3. Anita Says:

    I second moniquedame.

    Whoosh ! You’re currently not dating anyone, keep writing in your blogs, and say he’s your alternate. Sounds pretty harsh and terrible.

    He just wants to catch the attention of as many women as he can. In other words, he screams ” Player”. And those people are always honest right from the start.

    I’d run far,far away and not continue email communication anymore.You don’t need your waste your energy pondering over him, when you could be spending it for yourself or with a really great date.

  4. Whitney Says:

    I think Dan is “blogging” back to you in his emails since he recently began a dating-athlon himself. He sees you both as being in the dating trenches, with your own stories to tell. So, if a comrade sounds fun to you, or just an unusual meeting, then I’d say go. (And yes, I’m the one who knows him — he’s harmless and funny).

  5. Charles Says:

    Do not date. Has major self-esteem issues and validates himself by the number of women he associates with or considers to be options for sex. Should refer to ex-girlfriends as “friends” without assigning gender. Should never say you weren’t his first choice. So far today I have tried five different women to be my date for this Saturday, three of whom know each other. I waited for one to say no before calling the next. I didn’t tell any of them I invited anyone else first and if they find out will have to compare phone logs to figure out the order (and will not realize it was alphabetical).

  6. Jorge Andres Says:

    I agree with Whitney.

    But since you seem weirded out (which I don’t blame you for), I say you do a few group events before going on a date date with him.

    (Yes, I probably broke a guy rule by saying all that, but I figured I’d chime in).

  7. Nan Says:

    OMG! The comments are just as great as the posting! Maybe ‘Charles’ should be your next blog-email date.

  8. Miss Over Thinker Says:

    I third moniquedame. Do not date. If you want to meet him for the sake of meeting him that’s fine.. otherwise it’s definitely TMI and the way he’s been doing it is just wrong..

  9. sierra Says:

    My question is, why is he emailing you if he has a “main squeeze” and does his “main squeeze” know about you? Too weird. I think your grandma has a point, but I bet she didn’t spend her time talking about all the other guys she went out with when she on a date, so why should you have to listen to this guy and his dog girl flings? Eh…

  10. Dan Says:

    Do not date. Ever. He sounds awful! Wait, that was me? Did I say all those things?

    I also agree with Whitney. While I was really looking forward to taking you out on a date, I find I’m much more interested in sharing dating stories with you. I thought maybe we could have both, but I realize now how bad this all sounds (thanks for this). Or maybe we could have had both, but I did it wrong. (Especially the part where I made you my backup plan!) Anyway I’m sorry I asked you out and then told you about all these girls. I’d also like to apologize to your readers, as we would have given them a new date to read about. Whitney had even suggested that we webcast our date so all of you could watch. I was all for it!

    I haven’t actually “dated” a whole lot (mostly long term relationships including lots of suffering, but a few good ones more recently). And I’m brand new to this dating multiple people thing, so I am pretty excited about it, and you seem like a perfect person to talk to about all of it, both to share stories and to get a girl’s point of view on things.

    Would you still consider getting together for a “non-date” sometime? In a well-lit area with a group of people, perhaps? I was actually hoping you could also talk with a few good female friends of mine (just friends) who would be really happy for some dating advice right now. One just got out of a 10-year relationship and wants to start dating but doesn’t know how. And the other has been doing the online dating thing but meeting lots of “douchebags” who among other things lie about their height. It would be great to all get together sometime and talk relationships. Just us girls ;)

    Sierra, yes I’ve been open with the girls I’ve been dating about my dating other people (though not nearly as brutally open as I’ve been with SAG!).

    Anita, players are always honest?

  11. OyVey Maria Says:

    Dan is classic! I would watch the well lit, group date on a webcast :)

  12. Anita Says:

    Dan, oh Dan,

    Yes, I think players are always honest ! They give too many signs at the start that they’re “casual”. Obviously no one expects commitment initially, but those guys are just tooooo “casual” in dating.

    Btw, You’re a real smooth-talker ! S.A.G, this guy sounds fun, but again, if I were you … I’d find out my priorities and also keep in mind his previous behavior, before I go out with him !

    I still think he should have been clear if it’s a non-date or a date ? So, this is what he did :

    1) Asks you out for a date on your blog !

    2) Emails you

    3) talks about “main squeeze” – ( look at the way he calls her ), dog girl and his ex who he keeps in touch with

    4) After reading your post, makes up for all of it with his humor that he now wants a non-date , like he’s one of the girls ?

    He sounds really awesome to me S.A.G ! Keep his humor aside, and see how his actions don’t match his attractive words or his sense of humor. The above 4 points don’t sound good to me, if you’re looking for someone who respects you in real.

    And I don’t know how anyone can be fun, if they lack that basic respect.

  13. Anita Says:

    And one word to you S.A.G – when in doubt about any person’s actions or words, if both of them conflict, always always take in count their actions and dis-regard their words.

    Works great to filter out weeds and get great dates !

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