He’s Got Some Balls

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
March 23, 2010

I apologize in advance for this post.


This past Saturday, I spent 20 minutes stuck in LA traffic behind this guy:


Balls of Gold


It was literally impossible to look away. For 20 minutes straight I was staring at a gold-plated ball sack dangling from his old beat up truck bumper.


It’s hard to see from this picture, but these are VERY detailed and the sun was hitting them just right so they were practically blinding me – although I’m pretty sure that you’re bound to lose your eyesight if you stare at any set of balls for a full 20 minutes. Thankfully I didn’t have a 12-year-old girl or my grandmother in the seat next to me.


I’m all for free speech and making statements, but this got me thinking…Is this really necessary? I mean, who is this guy that saw these hanging in some store and said to himself, “Now, that is the statement I want to make.” Then, he spent hard-earned money, not to mention the time, to attach these to his truck, securely enough to withstand highway speeds.


And, what is the statement that he is making anyways? I know that guys typically think pretty highly of these things, but gold?…really? That has got to be a lot of pressure for his girlfriend – and you KNOW this guy has a girlfriend. Guys like this always do.


The best part is, he saw me taking this picture and gave me a thumbs up. He probably thinks that I want to run out and buy a set for my man. Come to think of it, I think I will buy gold-plated bumper balls for my next boyfriend. The reaction would be very telling.


BTW – If you’ve ever tried to take a photo of another car while driving, you will understand why I now have 15 off-center, golden-ball photos on my cell phone.

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4 Responses to “He’s Got Some Balls”

  1. sierra Says:

    i’ve always wondered the very same thing. does they think this makes them seem more masculine?

  2. Jen B Says:

    Maybe he had his removed and had them cast in gold to remember them by?

  3. John H Says:

    Uh…ya. It’s a little embarassing being a guy sometimes…

  4. Jenni Says:

    I live in Hick Town northern California (population 360, no joke) where most people have 4×4s just so we can get up our driveways in the winter. Those testicles (BTW they also come in silver and blue, yes BLUE) are THE thing to have if you’re a guy with a pickup under the age of 40. I have asked a lot of guys why they HAVE to have these hanging from their tailer hitch. The overwhelming answer: “They’re COOL! Come on, what’s cooler than a set of blue/silver/gold balls hangin’ from your bumper?”

    I think they’re really just overcompensating…

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