Facebook Chat Set to “Offline”

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
March 19, 2010

I like Facebook as much as the next girl – especially since most people’s photos are still available for the viewing – but while we’re on the topic of Too Much Information

Facebook friending (as we’ve discussed before) is not a science by any means. There are few rules and if you’re of a certain age and went to a large-enough high school or college, you’re bound to have roughly 150 past acquaintances that now hold the title Friend. It’s all pretty innocent of course. So what if that guy from your AP Environmental Science has access to your pictures and status updates? No harm, no foul. I’m too am guilty of logging on the pages of once forgotten high school classmates to see how they turned out.

My recent issue is with the Facebook Chat. It breaks down the safety-barrier of the skillfully tagged/untagged pictures and allows for real-time, unedited personal conversations with the people that you can’t remember having conversations with back when you spent hours upon hours in the same building.

Here’s what happened…

Back in August, I was minding my own business (well, not really) on Facebook and all of sudden a window pops up and I hear that little “blip.” It’s this guy I went to elementary, middle and high school with. I hardly remember us having interaction over those 13 years (and mind you, I was in the marching band, so it’s not like I was too cool for school).

My mind immediately starts racing through the reasons he could want to catch-up via live chat. According to his profile, he lives in Canada, so I’m guessing he doesn’t want to go out. After the initial “hello, how are you doing” chat, he drops “I’m engaged.”

Now I get it. He’s so excited about his pending nuptials that he wants all of his Facebook friends to know and he is devoted enough to chat with each of us personally. So the conversations goes like this (exactly like this, actually):

S.A.G. “nice! congratulations, when are you getting married?”

Random high school guy: “it’s ok, she’s far away right now. Maybe next summer, not really sure yet”

S.A.G. “oh. where is she?”

Random high school guy: “She’s from Sweden. I met her in Boston. Sometimes I miss the single life though. It’s a big leap that’s for sure.”

S.A.G. “well…sometimes I miss having someone. The grass is always greener”

Random high school guy: “Yeah. I had no idea what a change it would be”

S.A.G. “Being engaged?”

Random high school guy: “Yeah. I had the best single life living in Boston.”

S.A.G. “So…is she living in Sweden right now?” (a quick change of subject, followed shortly by a “my computer battery is about to die” excuse)

Since this Facebook chat, he has chatted with me before every major holiday to ask if I’m going to be home and if I would like to get a drink. Each time I inquired about the engagement and each time it was still on. So sad.

I didn’t think too much about this isolated incident, but then this happened…

Same situation – a “blip” from a random guy that lives far away, but this time he is from college and he is so obscure that when he originally asked to be Facebook friends I had to look at all his pictures and our mutual friends before deciding it would be bad form not to accept.

At the very start of the chat I mentioned that I needed to be going to get to my dinner plans. He asked if it was a date and I said yes (it’s true, the sabbatical is over) and then he starts telling me about his ex-girlfriend…

S.A.G. “how long since the breakup?”

Random college guy: “well, about 6 months…but we kind of didn’t stop being physically exclusive until about a week ago.”

S.A.G. “wow. So one week.”

Random college guy: “it was a weird breakup…no bitterness but we stayed physically exclusive which was great. Oh no no…we have been broken up.”

S.A.G. “that’s nice…but I bet it’s hard to be unemotional about sex when it used to emotional”

Random college guy: “we just…ya know…stayed in touch physically!”

S.A.G. “I hear you. For sure. I’m sorry, but it’s time that I get out of here so that I’m not more late than usual.”

Random college guy: “Yeah that’s the problem…I like the emotional sex so much more though”

S.A.G. “It’s good to have a mix, I’m sure. Have a great saint patrick’s day!”

Random college guy: “I feel like if there is emotion I can make her feel better and take her to places she wouldn’t normally go…if you get my drift.”


S.A.G. (in my mind) “Your subtlety makes it difficult, but I think I get it…”

BTW – This was the FIRST conversation we’d had in 5 years and it took place over a total of 5 minutes


Anywho, I’m now officially “Offline.” For those of you that have experienced something similar, here’s how you change the setting:


Picture 15

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2 Responses to “Facebook Chat Set to “Offline””

  1. Single. Approachable. Girl. Says:

    I didn’t realize that my “offline” setting turned to “online” when I took the picture for this post. Then, just as I posted this, I received a “blip” from yet another random guy!! I’m not kidding. I don’t think I’ve ever had an actual friend Facebook Chat with me. Only the most random of random. Am I alone here?

  2. Leigh Says:

    Yes, I have occasional chats with actual friends (a BFF who had to move far away, something quick I had to tell a co-worker, my husband, etc.). But the vast majority seem to be electronic booty calls. Guys who would never call a married woman just to talk seem to have no problem sexting me late at night.

    Creating lists of friends (Under “Account”, choose “Edit Friends”) has allowed me to remain visible to close friends but invisible to anyone who might annoy me while I’m trying to focus on something important…like who hooked up at the party I missed last weekend.

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