To date, or not to date.

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
February 2, 2010


Last week I had to have “the talk” with 3 different guys, and let me tell you, it has me seriously considering a self-imposed ban on dating.

It would be one thing if I were going out with guys that had a similar appetite for dating: Go out, have fun, enjoy each other’s company and see where we go. But, as it happens, the guys who approach me are serious about being serious, and it doesn’t seem to matter if we are, in fact, a good match.

Confusing-Name Guy and I finally came to a head last weekend when it became clear that I was driving him to that edge of dating-insanity that girls are typically credited for.  After ignoring a phone call from him at 7:30 PM (I had just arrived to a concert) he followed-up with two long text messages at 10:30 PM (I was still at the concert), expressing his confusion and frustration with my request that we “dial it back” – which you may remember was triggered by his offer to monogamously date after only three dates.

Mind you, if a girl were to call a dater and then text him the next day (let alone three hours later) with “I’ve been cool with backing off, but I feel weird and confused…I’m not angry…just a little lost…“, she would be tagged as crazy and would never receive a return call. I called him immediately for the talk.

Then I had to write an awkward email to a co-worker explaining that I’m not into inner-office dating. This is the guy that eHarmony embarrassingly matched me up with my first day on the site. Apparently he had been hurt when I closed the match and thought we should at least see why we were matched up in the first place.

But the biggest bummer was 1st eHarmony Date Guy. Here’s a guy that I really enjoyed spending time with, but knew it could only last so long. For him, the length of time was four dates, with the final date being this past weekend. We went out and had fun, but when he dropped me off and received nothing more than a hug and a “talk with you soon,” (which was my attempt not to lead him into relationship territory) I believe he had reached his limit. He called me 30 minutes later for the “where is this going” talk.

And so, there we have it. Maybe it’s just not nice to go out on dates when you’re not looking for a boyfriend. Or, maybe I should only accept dates with guys that instantly reverse my dating meter from “not looking” to “how you doin’.”

I’m going to give this some more thought and I’m open to your suggestions.

Should I continue dating? – That’s assuming I ever get asked out again after this week of bad-dating juju.

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7 Responses to “To date, or not to date.”

  1. Jenni Says:

    If you enjoy going out on dates, by all means keep doing it. However, it would probably be best to only accept dates from guys in the ‘well H-E-L-L-O there’ category. Why? Think back: how frustrating was it to have three relationship talks in such as short period of time? For some reason, you seem to be attracting men who fall somewhere in the ‘desperate for a wife’ category. (I feel for you, as I tend to attract men in the ‘old enough to be my grandfather’ category.)

    Don’t drop dating, but realize you’re picky (rightfully so I might add) and if a guy who asks you out doesn’t push your dating meter into the ‘How you doin’ zone, say no. After all, do you really want to waste your time having relationship talks every couple of weeks? Those things suck. You’ve got better things to waste your time on!

  2. Brock Says:

    See “500 Days of Summer” (keep puke bucket on hand) for evidence of men today in America. Hint: stay off eHarmony. My question: what kind of woman attracts needy, emotional, feminine men?

  3. Whitney Says:

    You should keep dating for the good blog stories!

  4. Dan Says:

    Breaking things off after a few dates shouldn’t be so painful. If you’re not interested, just tell them so and leave it at that. If they ask why, be honest if you think they can handle it.

    Recently I’ve wrestled with the same questions you have. I’ve been told it’s wrong to date unless I’m “looking for something serious”. But not all girls are looking to settle down with the next man who buys them dinner are they?

    So this past week I jumped back in, went on 3 actual “first dates”, and I’ve enjoyed it! Sure, one of the girl’s dogs sh!t in my hand, and another girl asked me for a $1,000 loan, but aside from that, really great!

    Yes you should continue dating, and you should start with me :) You seem interesting, and I would like to take you out sometime. Ever dated someone who has read your blog?

    Also I would like to meet your grandmother. She sounds perfect!

  5. Single. Approachable. Girl. Says:

    Hi Dan – To answer your question, I have never dated someone that has read my blog. Honestly, I would not have thought of it as a big selling point to a potential dater. Your comment is very entertaining…is any of it true? or are you just a good creative writer? As far as I know, you could be a 60-year-old married guy with cruel intentions. Then again, as far as you know, I could be a 60-year-old married guy with cruel intentions…
    - Single. Approachable. Girl.

  6. Dan Says:

    Ha, I wish I could make stuff like that up! There’s more to those stories, too…

    Yes, you sound interesting from your blog. And don’t worry, I totally didn’t read about your most embarrassing date story.

    I was kind of hoping you were a 91-year-old woman, actually. But my friend spilled the beans and told me you’re cute and funny in person, too. (And if that last line doesn’t help you get more dates, I don’t know what will! Again, guys, I’m not good at making things up.)

    I just happened to check back here so I could pass this onto a friend :) Should I keep doing that to see if you’ve replied or do you have my e-mail address from this form?

  7. JC Says:

    Hold on. Hold on. Dan, your friend knows S.A.G. in the real world?

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