My Booming Cafe Business And Its Dreaded Consequence

Author: Single. Approachable. Girl.
November 25, 2009

I promised you that if I got to level 30 in FarmVille I would join e-Harmony. The good news is, I only made it to level 26 before losing interest. The bad news is, I now have a very successful cafe in the restaurant-equivalent of FarmVille – CafeWorld. (see below)

Picture 4

It occurred to me that it might be “time” last Friday night when I was home alone watching my 5th straight episode of Entourage, season 1. I was serving up burgers and pot roast and using the revenue to outfit my restaurant with bamboo walls and decorative hibachi grills, when I accidentally let my guacamole go bad. It turned brown and flies started circling it…it was really gross – at least for a Facebook video game. Needless to say, I was genuinely upset. So it was in that moment that I turned off the TV and logged-on to the e-Harmony.

I realize that this move is tad off character, but I told myself the following: I’m being approached by guys that aren’t panning out to be good dating prospects (need I remind you of “chocolate dip?”). Maybe pre-screening is a good idea. On top of that, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Worst-case scenario, e-Harmony would likely provide decent blog fodder.

Well…it hasn’t even been a week, and here we are.

For the time being I’ll breeze over the fact that it took me a good 4 hours to finish the personality profile and jump to the do’s and don’ts of e-Harmony dating.

DO¬† purchase the subscription so you can see the pictures of your matches: At first I thought looking at the pictures would be petty and superficial. But once the pictures were uploaded, I realized that “Derek, 32″ was actually “Derek, 45″ and that I had accidentally checked the “Pacific Islander-only” box.

DON’T assume that you will be able to keep it on the DL that you’ve joined e-Harmony: While it would seem that the chances of being matched up with someone you know is SUPER slim, in my first 48 hours on the site, I was matched up with a work colleague, my cute neighbor, and – the worst of the worst – my x-boyfriend’s friend.

DON’T ever take a boy you’ve met on e-Harmony to a restaurant that doesn’t serve Dr. Pepper: According to the personal profiles of 3 of my matches, it is one of the 5 things they “can’t live without.”

DO be mentally prepared to fill out 3 to 4 Cosmo quizzes a day: When you’re matched up with someone who wants to “begin communication” they send you 5 multiple choice questions, each with room to write your own answer – and of course the pressure is on to showcase your wit in 100 characters or less. Don’t forget, someone else will be reading your answers and judging you. The questions are real casual and easy to answer…for example:

“How do you like to spend a Saturday night?” – no brainer

“How do you feel about premarital sex?” – trickier…

“How do you assess your verbal intimacy skills?” – my what?

“Do you believe in Soul Mates?” – are they really asking this of people playing online dating roulette?

“Do you enjoy being alone?” – yikes.

…I’m going to check on my pot roast.

Tags: , , ,

Leave a Reply